


Move Along

by Galacticoaktree



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Parents, Falling In Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, sensitive topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galacticoaktree/pseuds/Galacticoaktree
Summary: Alfred Jones is a single dad who is the father of Brooklyn Jones. He's dealing with emotional troubles that he can't bring himself to get past and move on from.Kiku Honda is a single dad who is the father of Yuuki Honda. He's dealing with past trauma and financial struggles, and he doesn't know how to cope with either.Both of them are missing something. They just don't know what they're missing yet.Hint - the kids do.





	1. Orange sky

Alfred strolled pretty casually up the the school gates as hordes of kids ran past him to their bus. This was commonplace. Actually, this was an every day thing. Of course, he was here to pick up his son, Brooklyn.  
The sky was still bright with daylight and the sun was warm. The beginning of springtime. That same sky would soon turn a bright orange later in the day and the heat would die down a little to a gentle coolness. A couple of birds flew past and a few kids pointed at them as they went to land atop one of the trees together. The both of them were carrying sticks in their little beaks. Building nests no doubt. 

It took about ten minutes for Brooklyn to come out, and Alfred was one of the last parents there. The curly haired little boy was holding onto his backpack straps, fully absorbed in talking to his best friend. That friend of his was Yuuki Honda, who'd joined the class after moving to America when she was just five. The two had pretty much just clicked straight away, and had spent almost all their time together since. She was currently swinging her bag around, throwing it into the air and pretty much just showing off - as was her thing. Alfred kind of knew what they were going to say as they approached him.

"Hey dad!" Brooklyn started, as always. "Can Yuuki come play for a couple hours?"  
Alfred fake sighed in response, smiling knowingly at the two.  
"How'd I always know what you're gonna ask, huh? It's always that or if you can go to Yuuki's house, huh."  
"Please dad?"  
"Well I wasn't gonna ask!" Yuuki put her hands on her hips. "I was just gonna come anyway."  
"Sure ya were." Said Alfred. "Didja ask your dad this time?"  
Yuuki looked sheepish.  
"Well he always says yes so it doesn't matter."  
"That's naughty." Brooklyn but in.  
"Yeah it is naughty!" Alfred followed up, leaning against the school wall. "You gonna ask him, or nah?"

Yuuki sighed and called her dad, who she was on the phone to for a mere twenty seconds. She did have it on speaker however, so Alfred could at least verify the conversation.  
"Just be back before seven, okay?" He heard. "Stay safe Yuuki, I love you."  
"Bye dad!" Was Yuuki's short response to that.  
"He says it's fine!" She grinned, puffing her chest out in triumph.

So with that, Alfred set off with the kids trailing behind him, having plenty of fun in themselves. On the way back, Alfred stopped to point out another birds nest. It had chicks in it, all of which were chirping - presumably out of hunger.  
"Yea, I'm hungry too." Yuuki piped up from the back.  
"I'll order us some McDonald's or something," Alfred replied casually. "you guys can just have chicken nuggets n stuff."  
Yuuki cheered loudly, followed by a halfhearted cheer from Brooklyn. 

When they got back, Alfred got right to ordering the food. Lounging on the big grey sofa, Alfred took off his glasses for a second and let his hair flip back, scrolling idly through his phone as the kids played in the big garden outside. He heard a splash, and figured that Yuuki had either dropped something in the pool or just jumped in herself - it was something that did happen occasionally.  
"Yall good?" He called through, hoping the echo would carry.  
"It was Brooklyn!"  
"No it wasn't!"  
Was the reply he got back. Both of them were still alive so, that was a plus.  
Alfred stretched out and rubbed his eyes, yawning a little. He placed the order for food and put his phone down, taking his glasses and going to see what the kids were actually up to. 

"The soccer ball is in the pool and Yuuki did it on purpose." Brooklyn said with a frown. He wasn't one to lie.  
"It just went in there itself!" Yuuki protested, clearly lying as she peered over the edge of the pool at the sinking ball.  
"Yeah I'm totally sure it did!" Alfred chuckled to himself, finding a big stick to fish the thing out with. He handed the ball back to Brooklyn, who threw it in the opposite direction and watched as Yuuki went blasting after it.  
"Thanks dad!" He called, turning to go play again. 

Alfred trotted back inside. He was rather content today. Not for any particular reason. He was just.. in a good mood. He went into the kitchen, and looked in the fridge for a can of pop. Once satisfied with his choice, he went back to the living room to.. lounge.

It was a beautiful house, really. The sort of thing Alfred never envisioned himself having. It was a big place, with a lot of garden, patio, the pool. Inside it was three bedroomed, but those were big bedrooms. The downstairs was mostly open plan, with the living room, the kitchen, and the dining room all leading into each other. It was nicely decorated and, had become a little messy with just Alfred on his own, but he'd live. The plain white walls and the lime green and grey decoration had been all her idea, and it was her house in the first place. Alfred worked of course, but she was the one with the brilliant job. The one who had the riches to buy this house and make it beautiful. She had declared, whilst heavily pregnant in the midst of decorating, that this house was going to be paradise for their child. That she was going to make this house the happiest place they could ever be. When Brooklyn came along, she kept that promise. She gave him everything.

Alfred caught himself staring longingly at the old photo stood on top of the fireplace. He missed her.  
"Hey dad!"  
Alfred shook his head and turned to face Brooklyn.  
"Um, Yuuki said to ask when the food is coming."  
"Don't tell him I said it!" A small voice hissed around the corner.  
"Hmm.." Alfred began, playfully going along with it. "Well well, if Yuuki wants to find out, won't she have to come out from around that corner herself?"  
Alfred winked at his son, who giggled slightly in return.  
Yuuki came stomping out with her arms crossed.  
"Ahem! Alfred do you know when the food is gonna be here? I'm gonna die if I don't eat!"  
Alfred laughed.  
"You're not gonna die!"  
"Yeah! She had rice and salmon for lunch!" Brooklyn quickly butt in.  
"That doesn't mean I can't be dying of hunger right now!"  
"You're not dying though!"  
"Anyway! I'm dying." Yuuki said rather boldly.  
Alfred had to try so hard not to burst out laughing at the exchange between them.  
"I mean, it should be here in like-"  
The door knocked sharply, and Alfred grinned.  
"Maybe right about now, huh!"  
The kids cheered as Alfred went to get the food, and he came back shortly, dishing out the chicken nuggets and fries. Brooklyn and Yuuki ran off to the table to sit with their nuggets and chat, and Alfred followed, having ordered himself a burger and fries instead.  
When they'd done, Alfred noted that the clock was getting close to seven, so as always, he offered to take Yuuki home. 

"Dad already texted me a few times." She said, getting her jacket on and staring at her phone. "Like, he's already worried! It's not even seven!"  
Alfred shrugged his coat on and passed Brooklyn his.  
"I mean, did you text him that you're on your way?"  
"Well we'll be there soon, so it's okay!"  
Alfred shook his head a little.  
"Y'know, your poor dad must worry about you. You just do what you want whenever you want it, dontcha?"  
He opened the door for them to go out, and stepped into the warm sunset. The sky had turned its shade of orange now, and the baby birds were going to sleep for the night.  
The kids hopped out and started conversing all over again.  
"Hey Alfred!" Yuuki chirped up about halfway into the walk. "I really need you to do somethin for me! It's actually really important!"  
Alfred perked up.  
"What's up, kiddo?" He asked, kind of surprised. Yuuki never really asked for help, she was generally a do-it-yourself kind of person instead.  
"Well it's actually about my dad!" Yuuki carried on. "See, uh Alfred, I need you to be friends with him!"  
Alfred almost stopped dead.  
"You.. what?"  
"Like uh, hang out n stuff!"  
"Uh, Yuuki, that's sweet and all, but you realise I've only ever met your dad like once, right? I can't just decide to be friends with him.."  
"Brooklyn can come over to ours tomorrow and you can come too and make friends!"  
"It's not that easy, Yuu-"  
"Cause like, he's always really sad. He thinks I don't know but I do, cause I'm really clever like he says I am. But sometimes I can hear him crying at night when he thinks I'm asleep, and I know he doesn't have any friends really! He says I'm the only family that he has so I think you should be friends so that my dad can be happier! Deal? Tomorrow, right- right??"

Alfred felt a little pang in his stomach. After that, what was he supposed to say? Yuuki had practically just poured out her heart and soul, and she was a kid who always wanted her way anyway. He couldn't really say no to her. 

"I suppose.. I can stay for like an hour." He said, instantly regretting it as they came to the run-down apartment building. It wasn't looked after well, and anyone could tell it was a cheap place to live for those who could afford nothing else. Yuuki never seemed to mind it, but she didn't really know any different, Alfred supposed. 

"Alright! See you both tomorrow! Don't you dare forget!" Yuuki called back as she turned to go. 

Alfred felt like he would really regret this tomorrow, but he supposed he'd just have to see.


	2. Vacant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred still isn't sure. Yuuki and Brooklyn's plan is already in motion - nobody else knows of said plan, though.

Alfred stood waiting at the gates once again.  
He sighed a little - not really looking forward to this, and just waited for the kids to come out. He played on his phone a little, not really taking in any of the posts he was looking at.  
Once again he was one of the last parents waiting, and he was sort of surprised that Yuuki's dad wasn't here.  
Alfred was nervous to say the least. He'd met the guy once and didn't even know his name, despite how close the kids were. He had his number but.. only down in his contacts as 'Yuuki's dad'. Even when they'd spoken over the phone, her dad had kept things brief and so Alfred had never gotten to know the guy. Yuuki never said that much about him, either. She was very nonchalant when it came to him, like she wanted to act uninterested or something. Alfred wasn't sure why that'd be - but because of that, Alfred didn't just not know the man, but he knew nothing of him either. 

When the kids finally came out, Yuuki looked excited to see Alfred waiting there. It was as if she almost thought he wouldn't stick to his word, but he had done. Brooklyn started messing around with his bag, digging out some paper, and he held it up to Alfred when they got up to him. It was a drawing of a big looking man with a billowing cape behind him. Of course it was only done in cheap school coloured pencils, but for an eleven year old, it was pretty impressive.  
"Damn, you drew this, buddy?" Alfred grinned, taking in the little details.  
"Yeah. He's my own superhero, look."  
"You made this design, too?"  
"Mhm."  
Brooklyn nodded and put the paper back in his bag.  
"I'm gonna make a comic about him this weekend with my own pencils." He said, folding it up neatly and zipping his bag shut.  
"Oh yeah! Can I be the cool sidekick?!" Yuuki chirped in. "Yeah I'm gonna.. actually I'm gonna be the hero and your guy can be the sidekick!"  
"No way!" Brooklyn fought back, giving her a dirty look. "You can be the villain."  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Yuuki cried, sounding almost genuinely distraught. Alfred had to chuckle away at the interaction in the back.

When they got to the apartment block, Yuuki started fiddling in her bag for her keys, which she pulled out and jingled in Brooklyn's face just to annoy him. Alfred eyed up the dirty passageway and how the whole complex wasn't looked after at all. Once inside, Yuuki suggested they take the stairs since "the lift sucks" and "we only live on the third floor". Alfred nodded, taking in the dirty carpet and the peeling paint on the walls. He grimaced without meaning to. He'd never actually been inside here before, he'd only ever dropped Yuuki off outside.  
Once the stairs were climbed, Yuuki led them down a corridor, past a few apartments and then to one of which she started unlocking the door. She pushed the door open and beckoned the others in. 

Alfred almost stopped dead. Brooklyn carried on like it was nothing - he'd seen the place before.  
He was greeted by a totally empty main room.  
There was a small, low down table in the middle of the room - and that was it. All else that was there was a suitcase full of neatly folded clothes in the corner and in the corner opposite, some plain white sheets and cushions screwed up in a mess. At the very least, the apartment was clean. Much cleaner than the rest of the building. The wooden laminate floor was spotless and the walls were still a bright white. This main room led to three other rooms. 

"That's the kitchen, that's the bathroom, and that's my bedroom!" Explained Yuuki when Alfred asked, pointing to each in turn. "Dad doesn't have a bedroom, he just sleeps in here."  
Alfred nodded slowly. So that kind of explained the sheets. It didn't explain Alfred's main concern though.  
"Uh, Yuuki?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Where actually.. is.. your dad?"  
"Oh, well," Yuuki said cheerfully, like it was nothing. "He'll be here in about half an hour or so. He works all the time so I usually get home before him."  
Alfred paused for a second.  
"Oh, that's kinda rough."  
"Yeah, but he says it's okay because working so hard means that he can treat me to stuff- wanna see my room, actually?"  
"Sure.." Alfred said, kinda nervously.

To his surprise, Yuuki's room looked like it belonged to a completely different apartment.  
It was.. fully furnished, to start with. She had everything that a bedroom usually would, and her shelves were stacked with toys and books. She even had a couple dvds in there and a portable dvd player.  
"It's cool, right?!" Yuuki happily stated, more than she asked.  
"Yeah it is!" Alfred chirped, faking it of course.  
He.. really wasn't sure what the situation was for Yuuki to have such a normal kids room and for the rest of the apartment to be so bare, but he could only wonder.  
"I'll go wait out there for your dad, yeah?" Said Alfred, flashing the kids a grin as he turned to leave them alone. They were already getting absorbed in some sort of game.

..and so, Alfred waited. 

He spend his time scrolling through memes on his phone, idly just kind of hanging around, until the door clicked and he looked up. He knew this would be a little awkward but -  
Yuuki's dad slid in and it clearly didn't even register that Alfred was even there, because he just turned to close the door again.  
"Yuuki, tadaimasu." He called rather quietly.  
Yuuki came running out and instantly got to him.  
"Brooklyn's here! And I brought Alfred, too!"  
"Hi Brooklyn." Her dad paused. "W-wait- you wha-"  
He spun around and only then noticed Alfred, who smiled and gave an awkward wave. 

"Uhm." Alfred began. "I thought Yuuki might have asked you about this. I was kinda pushed into it so I thought that you'd already..."  
The man made a couple of unsure "uuh.. ahh.."s before he frowned ever so slightly.  
"I- I- She didn't-"  
Alfred shook his head and just smiled.  
"It's okay.. kids, am I right?"  
"I'm.. I.. I'm really sorry Mr. Alfred, sh-she didn't ask and I would've prepared if I'd known- She dragged you all the way here and um-" He continued, seemingly kind of panicking. He clasped his hands in front of him and lowered his head as he spoke, and Alfred couldn't see much of his face.  
"Hey man, don't worry about it! Kids do what kids wanna do, it's fine." Alfred tried his best to keep smiling. He wasn't really sure what to do from here.  
"C-can I offer you some.. some tea.. maybe?" Offered Yuuki's father, fidgeting with his hands, already making his way into the kitchen.  
"Yeah of course! Thank you!" Alfred replied, sitting down on the floor. The kitchen was opposite to the wall Alfred sat at, and the other left the door open, so Alfred could kind of see him wandering about as he made the beverage.  
"Kinda awkward, I know, but uh, after all this time of the kids being friends I never actually got your name!" Alfred kind of awkwardly laughed.  
"Oh..."  
Silence.  
Alfred kind of tried to laugh again. God, this was worse than he thought.  
"D-Do you.. actually.. have a name?"  
"Oh!" He seemed to startle. "I'm so sorry I- I wasn't paying attention I... I don't know where I put the teaspoons... Oh! I'm sorry- I'm Kiku."  
Alfred half laughed for real that time.  
"Nice to meet you, Kiku."  
"Nice to meet you too."

Alfred took in how gentle and soothing Kiku's voice was. He'd heard him talk before, over the phone and such, but Alfred had sort of assume that he put on a voice like that to talk to Yuuki. He hadn't really realised that his soft and quiet voice was just how he spoke in the first place.  
Kiku was actually.. pretty different from the mental image that Alfred had originally had of him. Like he'd said earlier, they'd met once at it was a long time ago, and Alfred hadn't really bothered remembering much about him.  
He was skinny and pretty short - his frame as a whole could be described as rather slight. Alfred couldn't see his face, since Kiku had his back to him, making the tea, and instead Alfred noticed that he had a perfect jet black colour to his hair. Exactly the same as how Yuuki did. Despite how out of it he kind of seemed, his hair was still perfectly neat from what Alfred saw - not a hair out of place, and looking at him now, his clothes were very clean and crisp looking. It kind of began to puzzle Alfred more how he seemed so well dressed and well mannered and was still.. living in such a state.  
Alfred noticed from the back that Kiku's knees were trembling ever so slightly. 

That's when he turned around, mug in each hand and came and sat down next to, but at a safe distance, from Alfred.  
"I hope it's alright." He said, putting his own drink down and passing Alfred the other with both of his hands. Both of which were also shaky, Alfred noticed. "If it isn't.. please let me know.. I'll fix it right away."  
Alfred smiled and took a sip.  
"Nah, it's nice." He said, nodding a little. Kiku just nodded back at him and drank his own tea. It was apparent that the man was weirdly anxious. That or just incredibly tired, which, it could've been either.

Quite a bit of quiet went by. The kids could be heard playing some sort of make believe superhero adventure in Yuuki's bedroom, and the occasional car could be heard going past.  
Alfred glanced over at Kiku every so often. He was always either drinking the tea or more often, just staring down into it.  
"The weather's been nice recently." Alfred said, if nothing else just to break the quiet.  
He watched Kiku start and look over at him, before breaking eye contact almost immediately.  
"Yes it's.. been warm." He said quietly, staring at some spot on the floor now.  
Alfred was quiet for a couple more seconds.  
"What do you like better? Summer or winter? Or are spring and fall more your thing?"  
Kiku glanced back over.  
"Ah.. um.."  
He had big 'puppy dog' eyes, thought Alfred. They were deep and dark, but after making eye contact a few times, Alfred almost felt as if they were.. empty. Like he was almost vacant. His undereyes were dark to match.  
"I think I like summer the most." Said Alfred, after he didn't get much of an answer. "My birthday is in summer, n we have barbeques and stuff, oh, and you can go to the beach too!"  
"Ah.. I understand. I like winter more. It's cozy... You can stay inside all day.. a-and my birthday is in winter.. so.."  
Alfred kind of chuckled.  
"Y'know, I think maybe everyone just favours their birthday a bit."  
"Maybe.."

At that point it kind of went to being back to quiet. Alfred had a lot of questions he wanted to ask, but he knew he couldn't just barge into Kiku's personal life. He wasn't sure what else to talk about anymore. 

"Um.. I'm not much fun, but I really feel bad.. I.. uh.." Kiku spoke up after a while, "I'm sorry you ended up taking time out of your day for.. this. I just get nervous... sorry."  
"It's okay, man. I'll get going then? I'm sure Brooklyn's gotta be gettin tired in there." Alfred replied, standing up and wandering over to get Brooklyn.  
Kiku nodded a little again.  
"It's.. um.. been nice to have someone round. It doesn't happen often." Kiku said shakily, as Alfred was making sure Brooklyn had gotten his stuff.  
"Yeah, it's been nice meeting someone new!" Alfred smiled. 

The kids said their goodbyes and soon, Alfred and his son were on their way.  
Alfred remarked in his head that it was kind of weird. He'd almost never known a parent so different to their kid. He kind of couldn't get over the strange way that Kiku behaved. It made him wonder, if anything. Still.. if absolutely nothing else, it was evident that that man loved his daughter with all his heart. That's what struck Alfred the most about him.


	3. Thinking about things under golden light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred goes about his normal life.. kind of.

A lot of things struck Alfred about Kiku, actually.   
It was Saturday, so Brooklyn was home. Yuuki was coming over to play not tonight, but tomorrow instead. Poor Brooklyn seemed relieved that he could just quietly read his comic books for the night. As much as Yuuki was his best friend, she really never let him rest when she was around. She was just that full of bursting energy.  
The more Alfred thought about it, the more Yuuki's temperament, or Kiku's, seemed a little odd. 

Alfred recalled how his initial mental image of Kiku had been totally different. Because of how Yuuki behaved, he imagined Kiku to perhaps be quite a big and possibly athletic looking man. He'd imagined Kiku to have the same ready-to-go personality and maybe even have more energy than Alfred did. He'd imagined Kiku to be just as wild as his daughter and not to mention the apartment... That, he'd imagined to be just.. normal.   
Instead, he'd gotten a small, thin, quiet man who's entire body shook with anxiety and who couldn't get a sentence out without stumbling over at least one word. Someone who panicked seemingly very easily and got seriously nervous about something as little as the tea being made correctly. Someone who spent all his little amount of money on making his daughter happy and slept on the hard cold floor as a consequence of it.  
That puzzled Alfred. See, Alfred liked to be able to figure people out. Although he knew he was naïve, he liked to at least make a good guess on a person's ways and actions so that he could decide if they were someone he would like or not.  
He was at a loss with Kiku.   
How was it that someone with a daughter so full of life and energy could be so clearly distressed by almost anything?   
Suddenly, little Yuuki's concerns about his wellbeing, and asking Alfred just to be his friend, kind of made sense. Since it was so clear that he truly cared highly for her, it made sense she'd care just as much, despite being a kid.   
On top of this, Alfred wasn't really sure what to do now. 

Did Yuuki want him to go over again at some point? Did Kiku want him to? He'd said that it'd been nice to have someone around, but Kiku's tone was so shaky that he couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not. Alfred had felt awkward and if it was up to him, he wasn't sure if it was worth trying again. It wasn't like Kiku had been especially eager. In fact, he'd almost seemed ashamed. Alfred hoped that Yuuki hadn't gotten in trouble, either. Surely Kiku could understand that she was just trying to help. 

Alfred sighed as he splayed out on the sofa and decided to forget about it. Brooklyn hadn't been downstairs in a few hours, so he thought it best to go and check on him.

"Hey Brooks! Whatcha up to?" Alfred chimed, bouncing through his son's open bedroom door.  
Brooklyn was laying on the floor surrounded by coloured pencils.  
He didn't get much of a response, so he leaned over and watched.   
"I'm drawing that comic book." Brooklyn said halfheartedly, clearly concentrating on things other than talking.  
"Oh man! It looks great! Can I read it?" Chirped the dad, who continued to lean right over.   
"It's not done yet." Brooklyn plainly answered.   
"Oh, okay! Well can I read it when it's done?"  
"Maybe."  
Alfred smiled a little. Typical.   
Brooklyn had always been a little on the quiet side - he had a tendency to concentrate hard on things and shut everything else out. Once he was done working on his comic book he'd go back to normal - to some degree.  
After all, Brooklyn had never been the same kid after what happened - Alfred was sure he'd probably never been the same father after that, either. 

"Hey buddy," Alfred continued talking, whilst Brooklyn just didn't budge. "How about we go and see mom later?"   
Brooklyn stopped colouring for a second.  
"Sure." He said, and then just carried on.   
"I'll come and get you later on then, pal!" Alfred replied as he turned to leave.   
He gently pulled the door to, and went back downstairs. He worried a little about Brooklyn sometimes. 

That kid missed his mom. Alfred missed his wife. The whole thing had had such a large impact on them both, but as a child, Brooklyn had been far less able to cope with it. He'd gone from being a relatively lively and energetic kid to being subdued and clearly missing something within a matter of sheer hours that day. Alfred had tried so hard to help him. To heal him. Alfred had never quite realised that it was going to be hard to heal his son if he couldn't first find a way to heal himself.   
Alfred knew he was missing something. He was missing what she'd given him, and he'd never been able to find it again. He knew he'd never, ever be able to replace her, but he so desperately wanted to find something that he could hold onto instead.  
He knew though, that Brooklyn knew best. Every time he'd tried to introduce someone, Brooklyn had run away and gotten upset, and Alfred knew it was a no. He was never, ever not going to put that kid first. Brooklyn had already been through too much. 

After all these years, Alfred still found it hard to distract himself. He still found it hard to sleep at night. Every time he closed his eyes just for a second, he could see that hospital all over again. 

Right now actually, he had to distract himself. He sat back down on the sofa and played some games on his phone; he'd found a particularly good one, and it was pretty hard to beat. It had been keeping him occupied for the past week or so. He'd get his paycheck soon and that was a huge bonus, too. Alfred worked in a big office for a big company, and although it was a kind of crappy job, he got paid a somewhat decent amount for the office that he was in. Maybe when he got that he'd buy some new games for himself. He'd buy Brooklyn a whole bunch of new comics, too. Oh, and he needed a new toaster for the kitchen too, seeing as his last one had decided to go up in smoke the other morning. 

A few hours went by, and it was getting a little dusky. Alfred decided he should go before it was too late.  
He called Brooklyn, and they got their coats on, and set off walking. They didn't say much on the way. Brooklyn never did. Not when it was this, anyway. It was a weekly thing.   
Alfred wished he could talk to him better. He'd already asked her over and over how to get through to Brooklyn. He knew she'd tried her best to tell him, but Alfred still couldn't do it alone. He couldn't do anything alone, it seemed.

The iron gates of the cemetery creaked as they were pushed open, and the golden light of the sunset bounced through the trees and created a warm spotted pattern on the stone path. The birds in the trees sang, and the light glinted off the stones in the ground.  
Alfred held his son's hand as they walked through; as they approached the right place.  
The light marble headstone shone under that golden light, and her name glinted ever so slightly.   
Alfred put down the flowers he'd brought, and sat himself beside the headstone.   
He just talked to her.   
About anything and everything. He mentioned how Yuuki had thrown the ball in the pool again, how Brooklyn had made his own comic book hero, how he'd finally met Yuuki's (weird) dad, and how Brooklyn had been drawing his comic book today. He knew she liked his company. He wished she could reply to him. She could, in a way. Not verbally, but she sent him signs, Alfred knew.   
Brooklyn had talked to her for a while too, and had decided to go and look at the wildflowers growing around the yard.   
It was getting late. Alfred told her he loved her, told her he missed her, and finally got up to leave.   
He took Brooklyn's hand, and waved her one last temporary goodbye.   
As always, he'd be back next week anyway. 

\---

When Yuuki was over the next day, she spent her time causing complete and utter havoc, as per usual.   
Alfred was loading the dishwasher in the kitchen when Yuuki came in alone and started making grossed out faces at the dirty pots that were going in there.   
"What's up, lil rockstar?" He asked casually as she proceeded to lightly kick the machine and then pretended she hadn't done it.   
"When are you comin back over?" She asked.  
"Uhh..." Alfred trailed off. "I dunno Yuuki, it was pretty awkward. I don't think your dad actually wanted me there."  
"He said it was nice to have people round!"  
"Yeah, but-"  
"He actually said that in front of you!"  
"Yuuki c'mon, he had to be polite because you hadn't even asked him about your brilliant friendship idea."   
"You gotta believe me Alfred!! He said it was nice and he meant it!"  
Alfred swallowed hard and looked over at her. He just felt awkward as all hell.  
"Besides it's been like, two days."   
"It was fun though!"  
"Maybe for you it was, Yuuki.."  
She went quiet for a second.  
"If you don't want to then you don't have to but.. I think it'll work, and you're the only other adult I really know!"   
Alfred sighed. He couldn't say no, once again - she'd backed him into another corner.  
"Okay, fine. Just.. give it a week or so and then I will.. and I'll make sure to actually ask him this time, too!"  
Yuuki went running off, and Alfred let out a half pained breath. He was probably going to regret this. Again.


	4. Takikomi Gohan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred visits Kiku for the second time, and learns some new things about this strange man.

"And you're absolutely one hundred bazillion percent sure he's fine with it this time?" Alfred asked for maybe the third time, following Yuuki and Brooklyn.  
He'd never actually gotten round to calling Kiku, hoping he could get out of this, but Yuuki was ridiculously persistent.   
"Yup! He's actually a whole googolplex sure." Yuuki bounced back, as they exited the park.  
Since Kiku wouldn't be home for a while until after school, Alfred had suggested the park so that the kids could play. More so that he didn't have to awkwardly sit alone in someone else's apartment. Apparently, Kiku knew about this as well. Or so Alfred hoped.   
"You just made that number up, didn't you?" Chuckled Alfred, closing the gate behind them.  
"Nope! It's a real number!!!"  
"How do you even know that number? I've never heard of it-"  
"I invented it with my gigantic brain."  
"She went on google and typed in 'really big numbers'." Brooklyn butt in after her. She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him.   
"Right so, you're definitely a googolplex sure that your dad actually wants this to happen?"   
"Yep!"  
Alfred couldn't really argue with that.

As they approached the building, it was just starting to turn to dusk. A couple of street lamps were coming on, and the broken down apartment block took on an unnerving orange glow. Alfred felt a pang of worry in the back of his mind. What if Yuuki was lying again - it was actually more than likely that she was and that really would be awkward now. He probably should've called Kiku himself to check, but... He just hadn't really remembered to. 

Yuuki unlocked the door to her apartment and pushed it open to reveal that, the lights were indeed on, and Kiku was stood there in the middle of the kitchen carrying a few plates around. He spun around when the door opened and nodded shakily at the group.  
"Ah.. just give me a second." He muttered, half to himself by the sounds of it. He disappeared and the sound of the plates being set down could be heard.   
He came back out and stood in the middle of the main room, clasped his hands in front of him and gave a little bow to his guests.   
"Please make yourself at home.." He said quietly once he was upright again. "I made food for everyone, so.. please sit round."  
The kids cheered and Alfred just grinned.  
Thank god, Yuuki hadn't been lying.   
He noticed straight away that the place was less of a mess. The suitcase and the sheets had been put elsewhere, leaving just the table in the room, and some cushions had been put on the floor around it. By the looks of it, the floor had been freshly mopped too, and whatever Kiku was making smelled great.   
"Damn, you really went to all this?" Alfred asked, smiling as he went to sit down next to Brooklyn at the little table.   
"I- I felt a little bad after last time.. I really wanted to make a good impression..."   
Kiku trailed off.  
"Oh no, this is honestly a great impression, I can tell you really tried!"  
Alfred didn't really get an answer to that and the awkward feeling began to sink back in. He decided to talk to the kids about their schoolwork for a while instead, which Yuuki groaned at, but Brooklyn was happy to talk about. 

Kiku suddenly came through, balancing a bunch of full plates in his hands. He started setting them down, giving them to the kids first and then Alfred and himself, and went back to fetch cutlery. He gave the others knives and forks, and came back with a pair of chopsticks for himself.   
The food in front of Alfred looked delicious. There wasn't much of it, but it looked like a mix of rice and peppers, and what looked like bits of salmon in there too.   
Kiku came and knelt down on his cushion, sitting like that on his knees.   
He put his arms together in front of him and lowered his head a little.   
"Itadakimasu." He said quietly, before glancing over at Yuuki, who shrugged her shoulders and began eating before anyone else. Alfred frowned.  
"Yuuki..." Kiku started, before he realised it wasn't worth it.  
"Y'know if your dad wants you to do that, then you really should listen to him!" Alfred piped up, having noticed the slight disappointment on Kiku's face. Yuuki carried on eating, clearly not listening.   
"A-ah! N-no, i-it's okay if.. she doesn't want to-" Kiku seemed to panic.   
"I just don't want her to be rude to you jus cause I'm here." Alfred stated.   
"I-it's just a blessing.. that's all.. it's fine..." He seemed to go quiet, fidgeting a little. "A-after all, Yuuki has lived here since she was five, hasn't she..? I can't really force Japanese traditions on her when she's grown up in America. Ah.. I'm sorry for making a fuss.. I..."  
Alfred smiled weakly.  
"Don't be sorry, you didn't even make a fuss. Your kid should still listen to you at the end of the day, you know?"   
"I'm nearly done anyway." Yuuki said with her mouth full of rice.   
Kiku just frowned at her, knowing that telling her not to talk with her mouth full wasn't really going to do anything.   
There was silence for a little while as everyone ate for a bit. The kids finished first and ran off to play in Yuuki's room by themselves, leaving Alfred and Kiku alone.   
"Um... I wanted to say.. thank you for coming.." Kiku spoke quietly, after he'd swallowed a mouthful. "I didn't realise how long it had been since I'd really had anyone round."  
"Oh.. no problem man! It's nice of you to do all this just for me, actually." Replied Alfred, scooping up some more rice with his fork. 

Alfred noticed how Kiku looked a little different today. He was still dark and tired around his eyes, and his hands still shook horribly whenever he moved them, but today he was in his own clothes rather than his work ones. Somehow he looked more comfortable just from that. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, with a grey t shirt underneath a beige cardigan that was clearly much bigger than he was. The sleeves hung off his arms and came over his hands a little, and the bottom of it came down far past the hem of his t shirt. That kind of soft look suited him, Alfred kind of thought. He looked warm and cozy to say the least. 

"Um.. how... how has your weekend been..?" Kiku asked, not making any eye contact as he did it.   
"Oh, uh, okay I guess? I've been kinda bored if anything, but this is pretty different! Today at work I actually got a little bit of a pay rise, so I'm in a great mood!"  
"Oh... That's lovely.. I'm sure you deserve it.. well done."   
"How about you?" Alfred grinned. He was just happy that he was actually starting to get a short conversation this time.   
"Ah... I've just been tired, is all. I um.. I work two jobs, so... I don't get any days off or anything."  
"Jeez, two jobs?!" Alfred exclaimed. Kiku nodded. "What are they?"  
"I work a couple of days in customer service at a call center.. the other five I work as an assistant at the local supermarket... They're not very fun at all and neither of them pay very well which is why I have to keep both to just be able to pay the rent... I keep coming dangerously close to-"  
Kiku looked up a second.  
"Ah, I'm sorry, I... I spoke too much, didn't I?"  
"No, not at all! It's just nice to have a conversation with you!" Reassured Alfred.   
"Oh... I... I'm sorry about last time.. as well. I wanted to talk but... I was just surprised... I- I get nervous around people so... I couldn't think of anything to say... Even now I'm still a little shaky I've.. been like it for a while.."  
Alfred felt bad for Kiku, he really did. He couldn't imagine feeling this anxious over just talking to someone. Awkward, sure, but Kiku was genuinely almost scared.   
"No, seriously it's okay!" Alfred smiled at him, watching him fidget with his shaking hands again. "It doesn't really... Seem like something you can help, so, don't be sorry for it."  
Kiku swallowed and nodded, glancing at Alfred's face for just a second before he quickly looked away.   
"How was your work today, then?" Alfred asked, putting his fork down as he finally finished his food. Kiku still had quite a bit left, by the looks of things.   
"It was alright... I got in a little bit of trouble.. but I get in trouble for different things quite a bit..."   
Alfred raised his eyebrows.  
"You don't seem like the type to get in trouble, whaddya do?"  
"I.. um.." Kiku looked away. "It's just.. a homeless man came in begging for food... and I... I couldn't ignore that... So.. I stopped what I was supposed to be doing to buy him some lunch from the store... I..."  
Alfred was taken aback now.   
"Wh- How on earth did you get in trouble for that?!"   
"My boss said that I shouldn't be distracted... He also said that I shouldn't be.. shouldn't be so... I can't think of the word he said."   
"Honestly?" Alfred said, sitting forward again. "You should be proud of yourself for being so kind, even if your boss didn't like it." 

Kiku went to pick up his cup, and as he drank from it, the oversized sleeves of his cardigan fell back to expose his forearms. Alfred's eye caught sight of a jagged, prominent scar on Kiku's right inner forearm. It was big. As badly as he wanted to, he decided not to ask. Kiku didn't catch him looking. 

"You know, Kiku, you seem like a really intelligent and nice person, how come you're stuck working two shitty jobs?" Alfred asked instead. He quickly realised it wasn't much better a question at all and at this point he might as well have just asked about the scar. It was kind of too late to take that back. "Unless it's personal." He added.  
Kiku hesitated.  
"Back when I was much younger, I did a course in computer science! I wanted to become a software engineer... Lots of bad things happened and then when moved here I discovered that the qualification is.. useless in this country..." He smiled weakly. "So I can't do anything with it... If I ever had the money to do so.. I'd still like to make that my career... But... It's getting a bit late, so I've stopped trying."   
The room was silent again. Alfred was practically heartbroken. Just how bad had this man's life been that he'd had to give up everything he'd ever wanted to do and become?   
"I'm sorry..." Kiku spoke up after a few quiet seconds. "It's shameful, isn't it?"   
Alfred furrowed his brow and shook his head.   
"You can't be serious.. you're not ashamed of yourself, right?"  
Kiku didn't say anything, still not looking at Alfred at all.   
"Kiku I've known you for like four days but I can already tell how kind and generous you are... That's not something you can easily fake... I mean, hell, you have absolutely no money yourself but today you bought a homeless man his lunch just out of the good of your heart... How can you be ashamed of that..?"   
Alfred noticed him shaking again. Looking away. He'd never really met anyone this nervous before.   
"I'm really sorry... I made it all about myself, didn't I? Please forgive me.." Kiku got up and started clearing the table. His hair hung down as he bent over, and Alfred couldn't see his face. He went in the kitchen, and spent a while there. A long time, actually.   
Alfred felt terrible.


	5. Boredom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred has nothing to do for the evening. He has to distract himself somehow, after all.

It had been a couple of weeks.

Alfred was laying alone on his bed. The window was open and so the wind blew in slightly, fluttering the curtains. He was stretched out over the bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, feeling the cool breeze graze across his arms. 

Brooklyn was at his Grandpa Arthur's for the weekend, which left Alfred without that much to do. He'd asked his friends to come over for a beer and to watch some football, but it turned out they were all busy with work, family, or just pre planned events. He'd still watch the football, but it wasn't on until later, so for now he just laid there. 

He could play his game, but he'd been doing that all day. He sighed to himself and just thought. 

He hadn't seen Kiku since that last time. He hadn't talked to him since then either. Alfred wondered if it was his fault - that Kiku had left for the kitchen that is. Even to someone as generally oblivious as Alfred, it was clear that Kiku had gone and locked himself in that kitchen to attempt to pull himself together. When he'd come out, it was clear he'd cried for those ten minutes or so that he was in there, and Alfred, feeling pretty bad, had promptly left. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do, either. 

And so Alfred wondered to himself if he'd made a mistake. Had he asked too much? Had he stuck his nose into things that weren't any of his business? What stuck Alfred as weird was the fact that Kiku seemed to break down after Alfred had spent a couple of minutes complimenting him and purposely trying to build him up... Was that wrong? Had that been something he shouldn't have done? Had it hurt somehow? Alfred hoped this wasn't the case... After all, he hadn't meant anything bad..? He was just trying to help, and yet... Now, Kiku had been totally off the radar for a couple of weeks. Yuuki had been coming round, but she hadn't mentioned her dad once, and Alfred as it turned out didn't really have the balls to ask. 

Alfred rolled over and caught sight of the ring on the bedside table. He didn't know why he kept it there. No, he did, he just couldn't bring himself to move it. The car keys were in the drawer. He had moved those, but he'd never move them again. He didn't want to look at them again. For now he found himself just staring at the ring. Shakily, he reached out to touch it. Just gently, not picking it up, but just lay his fingertip on it. It was pretty. Decorated. It hadn't been worn in years. 

This always happened when he was on his own. At night he could turn the lights off and pretend it wasn't real. When Brooklyn was here he could entertain both of them with some made up superman game. When he was on his own however, everything became different. 

He tried so hard not to think about it but now that it was right there in front of him, he couldn't ignore it. Alfred found himself drifting down a lane of memories that went from good, to horrific in seconds. 

It had been seconds, after all. 

Don't do it, he told himself, reaching for the phone. Don't do it, it'll hurt you. You always do this. It always hurts. Why are you doing this?

He scrolled through and pressed his voicemail, and he put his phone to his ear. Alfred let it roll through.

He only had one voicemail saved. He only ever kept one in his phone. It was six years old now. He kept his fingertips on that ring. He stared into it as the audio began to roll.

"Hey darling! I know you went to pick Brooklyn up, so don't worry about answering your phone. I'm just taking the car out to the store, I won't be long at all. I love you, I'll see you soon baby." 

Alfred choked. He felt a tear drop down his face and he choked on a cry. He drew a shaky breath and hung it up. He just dropped the phone on the bed, and buried his face in the pillow. Why had he done that? It hurt. It always hurt. 

Alfred would never forget what he came home to. Carrying a five year old son, he'd walked home to meet a policeman at his doorstep, who had something to tell him. 

"The speeding car went into the side of her. She's in the hospital in a critical condition, sir. I can take you there now if that's what you want."

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to stop thinking about it. He didn't know why he always did this to himself. Always. Always when he was alone did this happen. Every. Single. Time.

"Don't cry, Alfred." She had said. "I love you, and you're going to raise Brooklyn and be the best dad ever, you know that? Don't be afraid to move on. You have your entire life, so don't cry." 

She had smiled at him as she was fading. She had so desperately wanted his last memories of her to be ones where she was smiling, so she held his hand and smiled, and told him she loved him as she took her final breaths. 

Alfred sobbed hard into the pillow. 

It wasn't fair. 

Why?

He went over this every. Single. Time.

\---

An hour later, Alfred was just dragging himself out of that god forsaken bedroom. He had to pull it together. He couldn't face it for much longer. He had to do something. Had to distract himself somehow. 

He glanced over at his phone. No messages. All his friends were busy, what was there to do? He thought about it and started scrolling through his contacts. He really just wanted to watch football with someone and chill out. He wanted to laugh and all he'd done for the past hour was cry. He saw one name and kind of hovered over it.

Maybe he should talk to Kiku? Maybe invite him to watch that football match? It would be nice of him to at least try. Alfred remembered how much effort Kiku had gone to just for him, surely he could at least.. send a text. 

"Hey, sorry it's been a while. Wanna come to my place and watch the football match? I have beer n shit, might be fun."

Send. 

Then he just started idly scrolling through his social feed. Cute dog. Funny meme. Celebrity photo that he could care less about. Drop down notification that he - 

"Of course I would like to, if it is really okay with you. What time may I arrive?" 

Oh hey, Kiku actually responded. Pretty fast, too. Maybe he had nothing to do either. 

"Whenever. I'm assuming you know the address. You can come now if you want, I'm bored."

"I will come in about an hour, if that is okay. Thank you." 

Alfred smiled to himself. Okay, time to entertain himself for an hour. If anything, the place needed a bit of a tidy but it was a big house, and Alfred decided he couldn't really be bothered cleaning up the mess. It wasn't really.. that.. bad, just a bunch of stuff where it shouldn't be. Alfred reminded himself that was kind of the definition of a mess. 

He trotted downstairs and decided to at least make the living room look presentable. Time seemed to fly as he was 'clearing up' (better described as shoving things under the sofa because he didn't know what to do with them), and there was soon a soft knock on the door. That was definitely Kiku, since literally anyone else Alfred knew would either bang their fist on the thing or just straight up barge in. 

When he swung the door open, the person standing there was indeed Kiku, who stood politely with his hands together and his head lowered slightly.   
"Hey, just uh, come in!" Alfred greeted him, stepping back to let him through the door.   
"Hello Mr Alfred... Thank you very much for inviting me.. i-it really is a pleasure." Kiku said as he entered.  
Alfred kind of had to smile. It was the middle of spring, and Kiku had still walked here in a big coat and a scarf. He took them off promptly and Alfred really wasn't surprised. It was warm outside and inside and yet...   
"Hey, no problem." Alfred replied. "I just thought it might be a bit of fun. Brooklyn's at his Grandpa's house, so I don't got nothing to do."  
"I see... Well.. thank you very much for thinking of me... I don't really get invited to anything."  
Alfred chuckled.   
"Seriously, no biggie. You don't gotta call me Mr every time, either. Just call me Alfred, Al, whatever takes your fancy man."   
"Ah.. okay.."  
"You want a beer?" Alfred asked, already marching off to go and get it.   
"I.. I don't really.. drink... At all really.." Kiku called after him, gingerly following him through.   
Alfred was slightly taken aback but it wasn't like he'd never met anyone who didn't.   
"Fair enough, glass of water then? Coffee even?"  
"I'll just have water, if that's alright.."   
"Course it is, buddy." Alfred shouted back from the kitchen, getting a glass and a can of beer for himself anyway. 

He almost laughed when he came back to find Kiku just awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room. He looked particularly small today. He wasn't wearing any baggy clothes this time - just a t shirt and some jeans instead. Alfred kind of glanced at his arm. That scar was completely exposed.

"You're allowed to sit down, you know." Alfred chuckled, setting the drinks down either side of the sofa, and falling back onto it himself.  
"Oh.. right."   
Kiku awkwardly followed, and perched on the very edge of the seat.   
"That doesn't look comfy. Seriously, you're fine to just.. do whatever."   
"Oh it's... yeah..."  
Then, Kiku kind of shuffled back and finally sat properly, holding the glass of water in both of his hands. 

Alfred turned the TV on, and they had a good hour watching the football. Kiku didn't understand parts of the game, saying that he had never really been a sports fan, so Alfred had fun explaining it as they went along. Kiku seemed to really listen to him and take it in, like he was truly interested. Alfred decided he liked having someone listen to him like that. Maybe he'd start calling Kiku his friend soon after all. 

When the game was done, Alfred offered to go sit outside and chat. They slipped on their shoes and went into the vast garden, deciding to sit by the pool. Alfred stretched his legs and half dangled his feet in the water. Kiku preferred to keep his feet out of the water and his knees up to his chest. 

"You have a really nice house, Alfred... It's really quite big. I used to have a kind of big house but.. not this big." Kiku commented.  
"Yeah! My wife payed for most of it actually. She had a real good job!"   
"Oh, I hadn't realised you were married..!" Kiku said, genuinely looking surprised.   
Alfred just smiled weakly.  
"Yeah, she uh... She passed away like six years ago, so.."  
Kiku's eyes widened.   
"Oh.. oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- I didn't want to say anything to upset you or- I didn't-"  
Alfred smiled for real that time.  
"You don't gotta panic at everything! It's fine man, you literally didn't know."  
"E-even so... I'm really sorry for asking... Please forgive me-"  
"It's okay, seriously."

Quiet. 

Alfred had to think of something to say, and fast. That's when he made what felt immediately like an error. He looked over and pointed at the jagged marking on Kiku's arm.

"Was that recent? I'm just curious."  
Kiku looked for a second as if he didn't know what Alfred meant, and then he glanced and realised.   
He hesitated, completely blank for a second, and then he started to smile a little.   
"Aha.. no, it was.. six years ago. It's a pretty funny story, actually!"   
"Oh?" Alfred noted how forced Kiku suddenly sounded and he felt uneasy just realising that.  
"See, I used to be really clumsy and get myself into all sorts of situations. So this.. I got this from falling straight through a glass cabinet - just tripped!"  
Alfred swallowed.  
"A glass cabinet? Jesus Christ man, you could've probably died doing something like-"  
"Mhm.. I just fell over my own feet - it was really stupid but I think it's quite funny really. Aha.. I even had to go to the emergency room for it!"  
Kiku swallowed hard. Alfred wasn't laughing with him.  
"That's.. wow. Sounds like it was really bad. And you just.. fell?"   
"Yeah! Just like that."  
"Damn.."

It was quiet again. Alfred decided to talk instead about that mobile game he'd been playing. He wanted to see if he could get Kiku to play it too. They could play together if he did. 

The evening started to go by much faster, and eventually, Kiku had to leave to look after Yuuki, who'd been staying with the old lady next door to them for the evening. 

As he left, Alfred couldn't help but think about a few things. Food for thought.


	6. Soft spot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred regards Kiku as a good friend. As the months go by he decides maybe Kiku's a best friend of his after all.

In a way, Alfred sort of decided that he had a soft spot for Kiku. Only in a platonic way, but it was there. Since the night with the football game, Alfred and Kiku had been going back to each others houses quite a bit for either food, beer (in Alfred's case), or just to talk.  
Alfred thought rather highly of Kiku. He knew that Kiku in turn thought quite lowly of himself, and was generally very humble with anything. Alfred saw more in him than he did in himself, really.  
"You should really give yourself more credit." He'd tell him.  
Kiku would always shake his head in response.

But there was just something that struck him about Kiku and in a different way than before. What he couldn't understand was how Kiku didn't really have anyone else he could talk to - surely everyone who met Kiku would come to like him off the kindness he radiated alone. Alfred supposed the nervousness might put some people off - it almost did him, but thanks to Yuuki's persistence he was given a chance to see more of Kiku.

And so, these past couple of weeks Alfred had become pretty close with the man, and had learned quite a bit more about him. He liked cats a lot, for example. He liked any animal that was small and fluffy and cute, really. He did like cats a lot, though. He also liked games. Alfred was particularly excited about that one, because it was one of the only things they really had in common. He'd even convinced Kiku to download the same game he'd been playing - and then wished he hadn't when Kiku overtook his weeks worth of grinding in a mere few days.

"Do you think it's working?" Alfred overheard one day. Brooklyn and Yuuki were laying on the floor with crayons and paper, conversing between themselves.  
"Oh yeah!" Yuuki replied. "I said it'd work, didn't I?"  
Alfred popped his head around the corner of the room, somewhat curious.  
"Is what working?" He asked casually.  
"The plan." Brooklyn said bluntly.  
"What plan?"  
"The secret plan. Only me and Brooklyn can know about it." Yuuki piped up.  
Alfred shrugged his shoulders and went back to what he was doing.

Alfred wondered one other day what Kiku thought of him. Sure, he regarded Kiku as his friend but did Kiku see it that way too? He hoped so. In the next coming weeks Kiku made it pretty clear that he did see Alfred as his friend, and that made Alfred weirdly happy.

"We call this chanoyu in Japan." Kiku said another day as he prepared the cups. He sat on his knees in a proper posture, holding everything in a very particular way. "It's a traditional tea ceremony, see."  
Alfred nodded, even though he didn't have a clue what was going on.  
"This would be classed as a chakai, which is more of an informal ceremony. Usually we would wear kimono but... I suppose jeans will have to do... See, we use this matcha to make the tea.. and we'd serve usucha and maybe tenshin..."  
Alfred couldn't help but say it.  
"You're just... Saying words at me... I'm... Totally lost... I didn't know making tea was this serious!"  
He saw Kiku glance up at him, a genuine smile on his face. These days, his eyes and his face as a whole had.. more life to it. He quickly looked away, but Alfred saw and heard when his shoulders moved and the tiniest bit of a giggle came out of him. Alfred couldn't help but smile as he watched. Seeing Kiku so excited and genuinely happy from something as simple as sharing an ancient part of his culture... Alfred almost felt.. warm.. all of a sudden. Kiku still spent most of his time anxious and unsure, but Alfred was slowly beginning to see a part of him he'd never even thought existed before.

At some point, Alfred happened to casually mention the date of his birthday. He didn't think anything of it, really, but when July the 3rd came around, he got a call from Kiku.  
"Hey, what's up buddy?" Alfred casually answered the phone.  
"I, um, I know your birthday is tomorrow.. but I thought you might be busy all day... So... Tonight I... Would you like to come over..?"  
"Uh, sure!"

When Alfred got over there, he wasn't sure what to expect, but when he and Brooklyn opened the door, he kind of froze. There was Kiku stood again, in the middle of the room with his hands together and he was behind the table.. which was full to the brim with food. All of it, freshly cooked. Some of it looked Japanese, some of it looked more like western dishes, but all of it looked nothing less than great. There wasn't even any room left on the small table.  
"Hi... Happy Birthday..." He softly greeted.  
Alfred took a second to process it, and couldn't stop himself from grinning.  
"You did all this for me? All of this.. for.."  
Kiku nodded shyly.  
"I'm.. I'm in awe, dude! I... Holy sh- heck!"  
"Holy shrek?" Yuuki quietly chirped up, causing Brooklyn to giggle.  
"You've been really kind to me.. for the past few months... I wanted to give you something in return. I know it isn't much, but..."  
"Isn't much?! Kiku this is.. I can't believe you even remembered my birthday, let alone-"  
And so Alfred bounded in and sat himself down opposite Kiku at the table. They ate and talked and Alfred was having the time of his life. He just... Couldn't believe that Kiku had made all this for him.  
"Oh my God, that was something else Kiku!" He exclaimed, finishing his last piece of chicken. "I seriously... Can't believe it!"  
Kiku smiled at him and got up for the kitchen. Alfred half wanted to ask, suddenly wondering if he'd done something wrong, but Kiku came back just seconds later.  
He was carrying a cake. It was small, but now Alfred for sure couldn't get over it.  
"Holy..."  
Kiku set it down and smiled warmly at him.  
"I.. Since you've been so kind to me.." Kiku said, cutting the cake up for themselves and the kids who, by now were getting rowdy and excitable, "I wanted to do something to make you happy..."  
"Yeah well," Alfred said, unable to hide the huge smile, "you succeeded in that for sure!"  
Kiku looked at him, that sweet and shy smile back on his face again.

In the end, Alfred didn't know anymore. He liked Kiku a lot. He wanted Kiku to be his best friend.. he thought. Whatever it was, he couldn't get enough of spending time with that sweet and bashful little guy. He'd seemingly found his way right to Alfred's heart or-  
What was he thinking? Weird shit, that was for sure. He didn't even know why he thought about Kiku so much these days. He was just interesting, Alfred decided.

Late July. That was what it was now, and the summer heat was beginning to reach it's peak and fall. The heat beat down and Alfred reclined next to the pool. Brooklyn splashed around in it, happy to get away from the heat for a while. It was nice. The sun was just setting, and it created a warm golden glow. Birds chirped and butterflies landed on the flowers, and Alfred couldn't help just closing his eyes for a moment.

His phone rang.  
He glanced, sitting up. Thank god, it was just Kiku. He panicked sometimes, hoping it wasn't his dad, or the bank, or anyone else who'd tell him off. However when he picked up, something was terribly wrong. He didn't even get a chance to say hey.  
"Alfred- Alfred please I'm in some serious trouble-" Was the first he got down the phone. "I need a favour, I really need a favour please you're the only person I can trust-"  
Alfred got up and went inside, leaving Brooklyn to play by himself. This didn't seem like the sort of conversation he needed to be in on. Right off the bat, Kiku was clearly distressed. Crying, even. That's what it sounded like.  
"Hey, uh, slow down a little buddy. What's happening?"  
He heard Kiku draw a shaky breath.  
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I- I need to get it together, don't I? I'm sorry, please forgive me, I-"  
"You sound like you're in a bad state, you wanna tell me what's going on?"  
"I'm so frightened I- I lost my main job.. I got fired.. Alfred I won't be able to pay my rent-"  
"Holy shit."  
"I need a favour from you I promise.. I promise I'll repay it with whatever you want from me but I need to... I.. Please Alfred... Will you take care of Yuuki for a while? I'm begging you I'll do anything- I just want her to be safe, I can't-"  
Alfred's heart shattered into a million pieces. It was pure cruelty. Kiku was nothing but a good man and this is how the world was repaying him? Alfred couldn't stand hearing his hysterical crying over the phone. He hated that he was the one and only person this man had. He just wished Kiku had been treated better through his life.  
"Please.. I'm really begging you- I'll do absolutely anything at all- anything-"  
Alfred hesitated.  
"What about you? What's going to happen to you?"  
Kiku just seemingly kept crying for a few seconds until he finally responded.  
"I have no idea-" He said. "It'll be the streets I suppose- Please, I don't want that to be Yuuki's life as well-"  
He couldn't even get any more words out by the sounds of things. He just broke down. Alfred felt his own eyes stinging a little. He couldn't listen to this. He couldn't deal with this.  
"Kiku, hey. Listen to me."  
Kiku seemed to attempt it, trying his absolute best to hold it in for a second.  
Alfred hesitated. Was he really doing this? Was he really about to? He looked up in the quiet moment and caught a glance of his wife's photograph on the fireplace. He felt a pang in his chest. She wanted him to. She was telling him to. It was the right thing to do. Alfred drew a deep breath.  
"Kiku, I'm not gonna take in Yuuki." He heard Kiku sob on the other end of the line and he knew he had to get the rest of that out before Kiku panicked completely.  
"Kiku listen to me. I'm gonna take in both of you."  
Silence. It seemed like a stunned silence and it seemed to last a while. Eventually, Kiku started crying again.  
"No, please, you don't have to do that-" He cried, "Please Alfred I don't want to be a burden I just need you to look after Yuuki I'll just get in your way I don't deserve your kindness please, please you don't have to-"  
Alfred blinked and a tear fell. Maybe he just cried easily, but he felt so bad. He felt so, so bad. He just wanted Kiku to be okay. He just...  
"I want to, Kiku. I promise it's okay." He assured, hearing his own voice crack a little.  
It was quiet again.  
"A-Are you sure- You don't have to, I promise you don't have to-"  
Alfred glanced back up at the photograph.  
"I'm absolutely positive. One hundred percent sure."  
Kiku sobbed down the phone, and Alfred was drowned in a sea of "thank you, thank you, thank you" as he cried.

Alfred closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He hoped to god he wouldn't regret this.

Somehow, he didn't think he would.


	7. Let's talk about it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred finds out in more depth what happened to Kiku.

Kiku had told Alfred that he wouldn't be made to leave until the end of the month, but Alfred was insistent that Kiku just get out of there. Because of that, Alfred asked him to come over in the next couple of days, and sure enough, two days later, there was a soft knock on the door somewhat early in the morning.   
Alfred opened the door to find both Kiku and Yuuki stood there with just a few bags and cases of their stuff - mostly Yuuki's. She just ran straight past Alfred and inside, off to find and plague Brooklyn most likely, and Kiku just stood there, avoiding looking at Alfred at all. Alfred didn't really get a chance to say anything to him before he bowed down at what looked like nearly a 90 degree angle and stayed there.   
"I can't thank you enough." He said quietly, Alfred unable to see his face. "I really can't say thank you enough."  
"C'mon in buddy, we can talk about it dude." Alfred replied, stepping back to let him in. 

He led Kiku inside and got him sat down on the sofa - Kiku still wouldn't look at him. Alfred just felt awful. Just as Kiku was beginning to visibly change, this had happened and forced him straight back into this damaged state that he'd first met the man in. Alfred went into the kitchen for a bit and came through with two cups of coffee. He gave one to Kiku, set one down for himself, and went to fetch something else. Alfred came back with a blanket that he draped over Kiku's shoulders. At some point, Kiku had made it clear that he was uncomfortable with being hugged, so this was the next best comfort Alfred could think of. Kiku was shaking. He clearly needed it.   
Finally, he sat down next to Kiku on the sofa, picked up his coffee, and turned to face him. Kiku hadn't drank any of his yet. 

"You gonna tell me what happened to you?" Alfred asked, watching Kiku intently. He still hadn't looked at Alfred once since he got here.   
Kiku swallowed.   
"I.. I got fired.. so.."  
"Yeah, I know buddy, I know, but how?" Alfred tried to reassuringly put a hand on Kiku's back but watched him flinch and decided it wasn't a good idea. "It's just... I know you said you get in trouble a bit but..."  
"A customer made a complaint about me." Kiku said. Alfred raised his eyebrows in response.  
"Wha- Hold up, whaddya mean?!"   
Kiku finally took a tiny sip off the edge of his coffee. He stared at the wall. Alfred couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to ask but Alfred just let his curiosity get the better of him.   
"A customer was talking to me and I couldn't really understand her. My mind just turned blank. She was using words I couldn't think the meaning of, and she starting yelling at me."  
"That's not..."  
"She yelled at me for wasting her time and then demanded to see my manager.. and then he yelled at me too saying he didn't want to deal with me anymore and..."  
"That's not your fault, jeez." Alfred tried to think of what else to say. "I mean... That's dumb... What an asshole. Both of them."  
"My manager dealt with me for long enough so... I'm... I'm not surprised.."  
"It's still a dick move though! He clearly didn't even think about it... I.. I'm sorry, Kiku."   
"It's okay."  
They went quiet for a while and sat drinking their coffee.  
"I... You're probably tired of hearing it but... Thank you.." Kiku spoke after a few minutes. "I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have you... I don't know how I'll repay you.. but..."  
"It's okay," Alfred assured him. "I don't want you to pay me back. We're gonna get you back on your feet and you'll be okay soon enough."  
Kiku finally looked at him with tearful eyes.   
"Thank you."

They kept on drinking coffee for a while. Alfred decided to speak up again.  
"So, what I was thinking is like.. we have a third spare bedroom here, and I already thought you'd probably want Yuuki to have that, right?"  
Kiku nodded.  
"So in that case, you can probably sleep on this couch if that's alright? I'll make it super comfy, I promise! We have like all these soft woolly blankets n stuff, fluffy feather pillows, yeah! It may be a couch right now but for you I'm gonna turn it into the comfiest bed ever!"  
Kiku looked up at him.  
"You really don't have to do all this... I mean, I don't want to waste your time at all and I'm fine sleeping on it as it is... I've been sleeping on the floor for several years now... So it's still so much better even without the other stuff.."  
Alfred had forgotten that.  
"Exactly though! That's why I want to make it really nice for you... After everything, you really deserve it, you know that?"   
"I... I.." Kiku eventually looked away.   
Alfred thought on it a little more.   
"Didn't you say you had two jobs, Kiku?"  
Kiku nodded a little.  
"Mhm.. I have a weekend job but... The pay won't..."  
"Oh no, no! I didn't mean that! Actually.. and don't freak out, but Kiku... You should quit your other job."  
Alfred watched Kiku's eyes widen.   
"No!! Oh, no, please Alfred I couldn't possibly- I can't let you fully support me please Alfred it's not fair.. it's not fair on you-"  
"Shhh. Hey, it's okay." Alfred said calmly. "Kiku... Have you seen yourself?"  
Kiku seemed to tense up as he said that. Alfred wondered if he'd said something wrong.   
"That sounded weird but what I mean is.. like.. you're not well, Kiku. You need some time to recover and then we can get you a better job and help you, yeah?"   
Kiku just nodded slowly again. He just wouldn't look over. He'd only glanced a couple times throughout this whole time he'd been here. Even then it had been for like a second each time. 

Alfred hated what this had done to him.

See, when he'd first met Kiku, Alfred had met a shaky, stuttery man who was terrified of interaction and could barely get a word out. A man who stared off into the distance and could barely hold himself together.   
Then, slowly, through patience and just.. being himself.. Alfred had gotten, bit by bit, underneath it all, a different person revealed to him.  
He remembered the first few times Kiku looked him in the eye and the first few times Kiku showed him a real, genuine smile. He'd never quite been able to give Kiku a hug or a pat on the back, but what he had managed to do was even better. Alfred remembered how one day, something changed in Kiku and when he next saw him, there was almost a light in his eyes that wasn't there before.

All of that had been reversed. 

Sitting here next to him, wasn't the same Kiku that Alfred had come to know. This was the Kiku that Alfred had only just met. This was the shook up, anxious Kiku whose eyes were dull and couldn't bring himself to make contact with them anyway. Alfred hated that. He felt like he'd been able to help Kiku and it was like that had all been undone. He hated seeing Kiku like this. After all, Kiku was one of his best friends, and... 

Alfred hesitated as he watched Kiku put his drink down and rest his hands on his legs. Alfred didn't... Know what he was doing, or why. He reached over quietly, and just took Kiku's closest hand with his own. He put his other hand up to it as well, and carefully held that one hand in both of his own.   
Kiku's head shot up and he looked at Alfred with wide worried eyes.   
"Wh- Alfred- What are you?!"  
Alfred kept hold of his hand.   
"I don't... To be honest, I don't really know. You're my friend, Kiku, and I just want to help.. any way I can.. I... Uh.."  
Kiku just stared at him.   
It lasted for a few seconds before Kiku pulled his hand away and up to his chest instead, holding it there with his other hand, sheltered a little under the blanked around his shoulders. He looked away. He looked the other way. Alfred couldn't see him and his heart thudded in case that was the wrong move. What was he thinking anyway? It was a weird thing to do and he knew it. He watched and his heart sank as he saw a tear drip off Kiku's chin. Just one.   
"You're being too kind to me..." Kiku said, so quiet that Alfred only just caught it. "You don't... Need to continue to be kinder and kinder... It.. really hurts."   
"It.. it what?"  
Kiku shook his head. Alfred just didn't know what to do. He'd offer a hug which, was the only thing he could really think of right now, but he knew what Kiku would say. The answer would always be no.  
Alfred didn't know how desperately Kiku wanted to be hugged right now.   
So he got up, and he smiled at Kiku, and he said,  
"I'm gonna leave you to chill out for a while, buddy. I'll help Yuuki get her stuff out. If you need me, I'll be upstairs!"  
And without thinking anything of it, he walked past and left. Kiku wished he had the guts to say something. Instead, he was sitting here, hurting, with a blanket around his shoulders instead of Alfred's arms. He leaned over just slightly and let his onyx hair fall over his face, let it hide him and he squeezed his eyes shut. His beating heart was the only thing he could hear. Why did he do it? He didn't know why he pulled his hand away. He just panicked. It still scared him. It always still scared him. He was still scared of him. Alongside every other god forsaken thing that had his hopes and dreams in the gutter.

Kiku so desperately wanted that hug.


	8. Loved and lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is better to have loved and have lost, than to never have loved at all.

Getting used to having Kiku around was coming slowly, but surely. Alfred found he was noticing things about Kiku that he hadn't noticed before, and he assumed it was probably the same on Kiku's end as well. It had only been a week, plus a couple of days, and Alfred was slowly, slowly starting to get used to it. 

One of the things that took him by surprise was how Kiku was so light on his feet. It could be almost silent in a room and you still wouldn't hear him come in because his footsteps made virtually no noise. Even upstairs where the occasionally creaky floorboard were and the hollow stairs that thudded as you went up or down them, it was practically impossible to determine Kiku's whereabouts if he hadn't said where he was going to. Alfred supposed it was kind of to be expected. After all, Kiku was small, and didn't look like he weighed a lot either. It was just that even being small you'd think he'd accidentally step on a noisy floorboard every so often - but it was apparent that that wasn't the case. 

Alfred also noticed how Kiku was desperately trying to do anything to 'repay' him. No matter how much Alfred insisted, Kiku kept on attempting to do anything he could. If it was cleaning the dishes before Alfred could get to them, or cleaning up after the kids so that Alfred didn't have to, he was clearly trying his best. He was trying his best, but Alfred just wished he'd let himself relax instead. He just wanted Kiku to take some time out and collect himself. 

Whenever Kiku did relax for a while, he'd spend his time with Yuuki in the guest room, in the living room curled up on the sofa, or in the garden. The garden was his favourite, Alfred thought. He'd sit out there as often as he could at sunrise or sunset, sitting in the wildflowers watching the sky with his feet dipped in the cool water of the pool. He'd just... Sit there. Like that, and he'd just gaze up into the clouds. Alfred wondered what he thought about. He'd stay for so long, too. Hours, sometimes.   
One time, Alfred decided to join him. He came out into the warm summer sunset wearing his dumb hawaiian shirt, carrying a couple of soda cans and he sat down next to Kiku and smiled. He passed one over, and Kiku took it and thanked him. They just talked. As normal. Kiku just continued to stare at the sky and Alfred watched him. He was sitting there, watching the fluffy summer clouds with his deep, dark, beautiful brown eyes. They were such a pretty warm colour, a wondrous hickory hue, flecked with gold and complete with a dark ring around the outside. They were dark now, but Alfred had seen them light up before and he wanted, so desperately, to see that again. To see those beautiful eyes so full of life and-   
"U-um, Alfred? Is there... Is there something..?"   
Shit, Alfred hadn't realised he was staring. He hadn't even realised that Kiku had turned to face him and now Kiku was looked right at him. His cheeks were pink a little and he looked somewhat worried. Alfred had to fix this fast - and that was when a butterfly conveniently landed on one of the flowers behind him.   
"Oh, sorry Kiku I wasn't looking at you! I was watching that butterfly just there!" Alfred said cheerily, trying to mask the embarrassment. Thankfully, Kiku bought it straight away and turned to look, and soon found himself watching the butterfly as well.   
Alfred let out a quiet sigh of relief. What had he been doing, anyway? What the hell was that? He shook his head and tried to forget it but it wouldn't go away. He wanted to sit and look at Kiku's pretty eyes all day. His pretty, pretty eyes... Alfred swallowed hard. What in god's name was wrong with him?   
Luckily, it started to rain, and they went inside. Alfred tried not to think about it. He didn't really want to think about it.

But oh god, had Kiku caught his eye that day. That night Alfred lay in bed and recalled how he couldn't take his god damned eyes off the man. He didn't know why. He told himself he didn't know why. There was just something about him that was a drawing force and the more time Alfred spent with him, the more and more he found it happening. He decided that maybe Kiku was such a good friend of his that he just wanted to spend time with him like that. After all, even though he did want to spend all his time around Kiku and.. admittedly had done since before he even started living here, it was only because he liked him so much as a friend. He assured himself that. He wondered if Kiku liked him like that as well. In a friend way of course. Nothing more, nothing less.

Saturday. Kiku woke up kind of late. In fact it was almost afternoon already. He panicked a little, getting ready to apologise for the inconvenience when after looking round he couldn't see Alfred anywhere. Had he slept in as well? Normally Kiku would be up bright and early, but he hadn't been able to sleep. Quite often, he wasn't able to sleep. He stretched and slid his legs off the sofa, getting up and stretching again.   
"Alfred?" He called softly, rubbing a little sleep out of his eye. When there was no response, Kiku assumed he must still be in bed and set to folding up the blankets as he usually did. He set them next to the sofa in a neat little pile and knelt down to get some clothes out of his suitcase which he was just using as a wardrobe at this point. 

As he pulled off his baggy grey t-shirt (which wasn't even a pyjama top, despite him always using it as one), he wondered about a couple of things. Lately, he'd found himself infatuated with Alfred. Not that Alfred had noticed. See, Kiku had found recently that every so often, he'd catch himself staring at Alfred and almost getting carried away in his mind. That tall and strong stature and his pretty golden hair - it looked so soft, and Kiku found that he really wanted to comb it with his fingers and...   
Kiku practically choked, coming to the very sudden realisation that he was sitting here daydreaming like a little girl. He hurried to get another shirt on, and one of his signature sweaters over the top, before he struggled pulling on a baby blue pair of skinny jeans.   
But oh no, for that colour blue reminded Kiku of Alfred's beautiful azure eyes. How bright and vivid and blue they were, how his irises had so much intricate patterning to them, and how they were such a drawing, defining feature of his face.   
And then there was just him. Just Alfred as a whole. How much he smiled and how bouncy he acted and how he was basically just a grown-man-puppy and everything else. The way he offered to help Kiku in any way possible that made poor Kiku's heart melt and-  
Kiku slapped both his hands to the side of his face. No!!! No, he told himself! He couldn't let it happen. See, it was clear that Alfred didn't like him back. He couldn't. No, Kiku knew he was too quiet and too shy for Alfred, and Alfred was so physically beautiful that he was well out of Kiku's league for sure. His heart had sank yesterday, when it turned out Alfred was only watching the butterfly behind Kiku. Kiku had been so disappointed and embarrassed by himself, because in that moment he truly thought it was him that Alfred was staring at. 

Besides. He couldn't let himself like Alfred - there was one huge problem with letting himself do that. Alfred was so nice.   
He remembered how the last one was so nice. How he was perfect. Everything he'd ever dreamed of having. He reminded himself that now he was stuck with the trauma left behind. He couldn't let that happen to him again. He liked Alfred. He really, really did. But god, he'd never forgive himself if he let himself love Alfred. He even kind of wanted Alfred to suddenly be awful to him. He wanted Alfred to be mean and put him down so that he could get rid of these feelings and know he was going to be safe. He couldn't go through the same thing again. He... 

"Dad!!!! DAD!!!!!!"   
Kiku yelped and flinched backwards.   
"You were totally spaced out!!! I was trying to get your attention for ages because you've been asleep all day and I'm BORED!!!!" Yuuki practically roared.   
"Don't scare me Yuuki." Kiku scolded gently. He switched to speaking in his own tongue, much to Yuuki's clear dismay. "What's the matter? Have you finally tired of harassing poor Brooklyn?"   
"Nah but he and Alfred are out." She answered in English.   
"Where?"   
"At the graveyard. They went to see Brooklyn's mom."  
Kiku hesitated.   
"Oh... How long have they been gone?"  
"Only like, an hour. Alfred said he'd be two hours at most."  
Kiku nodded.   
"I see..."

When Alfred came back, just under an hour later, the house smelled great. So great that he felt his stomach rumble as he hung up his coat. Brooklyn went running off as always and Alfred strode through to find Kiku in the kitchen. Kiku looked up and smiled. Alfred couldn't help but grin back.   
"I made you some lunch! I thought you might be hungry.." Kiku said, plating things up. By the looks of it, his timing was perfect.   
Alfred felt his mouth water when Kiku came to set plates on the table.   
"What is this stuff? Chicken skewers? They look so goooooood~" Alfred asked, unable to stop himself from getting excited over it. Kiku came and sat down with his own and the kids took theirs upstairs.   
"It's yakitori... In other words yes, it's skewered chicken."   
"Jesus Christ, it's really," Alfred talked with his mouth full. "really delicious- You didn't have to do this you know-"  
Kiku shook his head, eating his chicken in a more polite manner.   
"I wanted to make you happy." He stated after swallowing.   
"I'll be real Keeks, can I call you that? It's kinda cute- but you make me happy enough just being yourself and stuff."  
Alfred watched Kiku flush a deep crimson and quickly attempted to fix the situation - why'd he say that in the first place?!  
"You know like, you make me happy because you're one of my friends."   
Kiku nodded, trying now to avoid looking at Alfred altogether. 

Some silence passed and they finished the yakitori.  
"Sorry by the way," Alfred started saying. "I shoulda let you know that I was going to the graveyard earlier. I didn't want to wake you, but I, uh.. just go at some point every Saturday."  
"Oh, that's alright, please don't apologise." Replied Kiku.  
He was quiet for a while.   
"May I... May I ask.. what happened?" Kiku said softly. So soft that he could've whispered it. He felt bad asking.   
Alfred smiled weakly.   
"Well I guess I have poked my nose into your business quite a bit, haven't I?" He half chuckled.   
It was quiet again for a while.

"Car accident." Alfred suddenly said. "It was a car accident."  
"I'm sorry..."   
"She was perfect for me. She was just like me in all sorts of ways. She had such a big bright smile, such an energetic personality. We were made for each other. We got married and had our son and those were the two best days of my entire life."  
Alfred swallowed hard.   
"I loved her so much. I remember how she cried and hugged me when I proposed and she told me it was the happiest she'd ever been. I remember how much fun she was with Brooklyn and how the three of us used to go on adventure after adventure, and.. he's never been the same since. I remember coming home one day with Brooklyn to find a policeman at my doorstep, telling me he could take me to the hospital, telling me it was critical."  
Alfred stopped. Kiku felt awful for asking.   
"You don't have to carry on, it's alright... I'm sorry..." Kiku said, watching Alfred wipe his eyes.   
"No, you asked, it's okay to ask. When I got there, she was lying on the hospital bed and the doctors told me she was dying. She was conscious and she talked to me as she died. I held her hand and cried and cried and she just smiled warmly the entire time, telling me it was going to be okay. She told me to move on and live my entire life, and she told me she'd always be there with me, and she told me she loved me. I told her I loved her too, and I'd take care of Brooklyn, and I'd be alright, and it was like telling her that finally let her rest. N' then.. just like that.. she was gone. I've never been able to move on. I still listen to the last voicemail or look at the last photo and cry. It was six years ago but she meant the whole world to me. I'll never be the same, really."  
Kiku was astounded. For a few seconds he just sat there. He couldn't do anything else.   
Eventually he got up and sat next to Alfred instead of across from him, and before Alfred could ask what he was doing, Kiku was pulling him into a hug.

Alfred didn't object. He found himself with his face resting on Kiku's shoulder as Kiku's arms held him in the back. When he went to return it he felt a shake travel down Kiku's body. He was trying so hard for this.   
"You know," Kiku said gently, "She really is still with you, I'm certain of it. She still loves you. Just as much as you still love her. I think she'd be so proud of you.. Alfred.. how after going through all those terrible things, you still manage to be such a kind person."   
Alfred squeezed him, unintentionally causing Kiku to shake a little again, and let out a big breath.   
"That actually means a lot, Kiku. Thank you."

Kiku couldn't help but think about it all day. Alfred was so strong, and so brave. It was so admirable how he was so honest about what had happened to him. It was so admirable how he still managed to be a good person despite the great amount of pain he was in. Kiku really admired him now, more than ever before.   
That's why he decided to be honest too.   
That night, he stayed up, and he tried to write a letter. A letter to his father, who he hadn't spoken to in six years. His dear father, who couldn't understand why he left and didn't want to talk to him anymore, not ever having known about the damage that had been done to his son. So in the middle of the night, he sat up at the kitchen table, and tried and tried to write. 

4AM. Alfred woke up needing a drink. He came down the stairs, quiet not to wake the kids, and into the living room, where he was surprised to find that Kiku wasn't on the sofa. At four in the morning, surely the man would be asleep? Tiptoeing through, Alfred couldn't help but smile when he spotted him. He had no idea what Kiku had been up to, but he was passed out on the kitchen table surrounded by unfinished letters in a language that Alfred couldn't read.   
Alfred put down his glass and tried to prod Kiku a little - shake him even, but he was in a deep sleep by the looks of things. The sofa was only over there... He might wake him up, but... After all, he wanted Kiku to be cozy and snug. He wanted Kiku to be warm and sleep well.   
Gently, so gently, Alfred scooped him up so that he was holding Kiku bridal style, and slowly started walking him over. Kiku's head fell to rest on Alfred's chest as he carried him, and the american's heart felt like it melted. Kiku was so small in his arms, so warm and so light. He was just as light as Alfred thought he might be.   
He softly laid Kiku down on the sofa, making sure he was in a comfortable position, and went to grab the folded blankets next to it. He laid them on top of Kiku, picking a soft fleecy one as the main one. He tucked him and and just gently, because he couldn't help himself, caressed the side of Kiku's face with his finger and thumb.  
Alfred knew that he couldn't keep lying to himself.   
Not when his heart screamed at him like this.


	9. I lied.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiku opens up about his life. Alfred is deeply upset by what he hears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for violence in this chapter! I promise it gets better soon!

Kiku was waking up, but only just. It was one of those slow kind of wakings where you're comfy and dopey from the sleep, and you just kind of take your time. He still had his eyes shut, nuzzling into the soft fleecy blankets and almost dropping off again with his head on the fluffy, cozy pillow. It was so warm. It was a good kind of warm. That cozy kind of warm, and he sighed and stretched, and continued burying his face into the blanket, curled back up with his arms around the fleece. It felt so nice... So soft... Sleeping on this sofa was like a dream come true almost. It was actually.. not hard and didn't hurt his back, unlike the hard floor of where he used to live. He still didn't know how he'd ever pay Alfred back, despite the man insisting he didn't want repayment.   
For now, he just concentrated on feeling nice. He didn't get to feel nice all that often and this was.. this was the epitome of nice. 

"Am I gonna have to wake you up myself?"   
Kiku shot up to see Alfred standing in the doorway with a couple of mugs. He smiled and came over, putting one down for Kiku, who was trying his very best to become functional. Kiku quickly spotted the clock and almost went nuts.   
"I-It's one in the afternoon!!" He exclaimed, scrambling to get off the bed. "I'm sorry! I'm really sorry, I didn't know, I-"  
"Dude chill, it's okay! If I actually wanted you up I'd have woken you up, but you were up really late last night right?"   
Kiku paused.   
"I'd almost forgotten about that.. uh.. how did you know?"   
"I came down at like four am for a drink," Alfred chuckled, "and found you passed out on the table with a bunch of writing and stuff."   
"Did you... Did you put me over here?" Kiku asked, gesturing to the sofa.   
"Yeah! Yeah, sorry if it seems a bit weird. I just.. I dunno! I didn't want you to be uncomfortable or cold!"   
Kiku imagined Alfred picking him up and giving him all those blankets and his face flushed a deep pink. He tried to hide it with his hands, embarrassed of it now. He noticed Alfred was a little pink too - but it was because of embarrassment as well - or the heat - or something. It wasn't because.. of anything like that.   
"Th-thank you..." Kiku finally got out. 

Alfred came and sat down next to him, coffee mug in hand. He gave a quick smile to Kiku and took a sip, before putting it down to rest his arms on his knees. His beautiful golden hair shone so pretty in this midday summer light, Kiku thought. Little did he know Alfred was thinking the same thing about Kiku's eyes. Alfred shook his head all of a sudden. 

"What were those papers anyway? If you don't mind me askin'"  
Kiku took a deep breath.   
"They were letters. To someone."   
Alfred glanced quizzically, and Kiku gave him a nervous look.   
"To my father I mean. I.. haven't spoken with him in a very long time. He didn't understand why I left, and I was too afraid to tell him, so I just.. disappeared. Six years on I... feel like he deserves to know. I can't be sure he'll understand, but.."   
Alfred tilted his head a little.   
"Alfred, yesterday.. when you told me your own story."  
Kiku paused, Alfred swallowed.  
"You were.. so brave. You were so honest, and so courageous even though what happened to you was awful. It made me feel like I should be honest and brave too."  
And then it went quiet. Kiku looked down at the floor. Alfred put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Kiku?"  
"Mhm?"  
"Whatever it is you're dealing with, I think you're already really brave. You're a hard worker and.. behind that shy outside you have a really amazing personality... I'm glad to be friends with you.."   
Kiku nodded, but stayed quiet. It lasted a while. A seemingly long while. 

"Alfred.." Kiku began, his hand on the cuff of his sweater, slowly rolling it back. "You've been so kind to me... So I should tell you.."  
Kiku turned his hand over to expose the monstrous scar on his arm.  
"I lied."   
Alfred looked at his arm, and then his face, trying to figure it out.   
"Wh-what, Kiku?"   
"I lied." Kiku repeated. He shakily pointed at the mark. "I didn't fall through a glass cabinet."  
Alfred felt uneasy.   
"I was pushed through one."  
Al hesitated, unsure of where to go next.   
"W-With.. the intention of hurting you?!" He asked, his eyes wide in horror. He watched Kiku nod and try to smile. His heart sank. Again. "Who'd do that?!"  
Kiku noticeably shook a little.  
"He would." He said quietly. "He was my prince charming. My everything. He was so perfect for me, and everyone else thought he was perfect too. He was my boyfriend, I mean. When we first met he treated me like royalty, always trying to look after me, always sweeping me off my feet. I fell in love with him, and he fell in love with me... He was tall.. strong.. handsome.."  
Kiku went quiet, and Alfred didn't know what to do except listen and be there for him.  
"We moved in together, we really loved each other that much, and a year or so of perfection went past and then... Something changed. It started off with him calling me names. He'd call me stupid, or an idiot, or something along those lines and I just ignored it because I thought .. maybe he's having a bad day. Then... Then I... Then he..."   
"It's okay, you don't gotta force yourself." Alfred said quietly.   
"Then he hit me. It started off just once and then it got more and more, until it was almost every day.. and I still thought.. it's okay, he's just having a bad day. That's when we adopted Yuuki. I thought everything was going to be fine again. I was so happy, but, I was foolish, because after just a few weeks or normal life... That's when he started beating me, and... I was really scared. He'd really hurt me, and tell me that it was my fault. That I was the bad guy."  
Alfred noticed by now that Kiku was shaking for real.   
"He told me that he was doing it because he loved me. He told me it was love. 'This is how I show you I love you', he'd say as he hit me again, and again. He said to me that if I ever, ever told anyone. If I ever tried to run away, that he'd find me and kill me."  
Kiku swallowed.   
"I obviously ran away, but I never.. I never told anyone. Not until now."   
And then he was quiet again for a second.  
"I remember that day really clearly. The worst of it. He'd been yelling at me, being violent again, and I remember I got to my feet and... He didn't like that. So he grabbed me by my shoulder, as tight as he could, and he threw me through the cabinet. I remember sitting on the floor, barely concious. Everything was blurry. All I could see was red, everywhere. I was so scared. It hurt so bad, and he picked me up and swore at me, before he dragged me into the car and drove to the hospital. The nurses there were lovely... They bandaged everything up for me, even though I couldn't stop shaking or crying or feeling horribly sick. It just hurt so bad. I was so scared. They took me into a private room and they asked me to tell them how it happened. They told me that if I needed help they could get me help, but I... I was so scared, so I told them... That I fell. When we got home that day, he just started all over again, for making him have to go to the hospital. I don't know if Yuuki ever saw anything happen. The only thing that gave me the courage to leave was.. one day he threatened her too, and after that, I couldn't take it anymore... He could hurt me as badly as he wanted, but I'd never, ever let him touch Yuuki, so... I took all the money we had, and left without him knowing, and went to the airport and just... Jumped on any available plane. Just like that."  
Kiku glanced up to be met with a tearful Alfred who could barely keep those tears in his eyes.   
"You.. you've been living with all that trauma? With nobody to talk to? Who the hell would do that to you..?" He said softly, his voice cracking a little. "I'm so sorry, Kiku."  
"You don't have to be sorry." Kiku replied, before taking a long deep breath. "It's.. I'm glad I finally told someone." 

Alfred thought about it.   
"How can you say you're not brave?" He said after a short while. "Earlier when you said you thought you should be brave as well... Just surviving with that, leaving, dealing with that past and still being an amazing father to Yuuki, as well as an amazing person in general... Isn't that some of the bravest stuff that anyone can ever do?"   
Kiku didn't say anything.   
"You ARE brave." Alfred said. "You're really, really strong. Even more so than I'd thought, and I thought you were strong before..."   
With no other words, Kiku turned and threw himself at Alfred. He buried himself in between Alfred's neck and shoulder, pressing his body right up. Alfred was surprised again, but he just put his arms around Kiku.   
"I'm sorry." Kiku breathed against him. "I just... I need this."   
"Shhh," Alfred gently squeezed him. "It's okay. I know."   
Alfred could feel him trembling and he had to swallow hard so that he didn't just cry about it.   
"Even with just this," Kiku said quietly, "I'm kind of scared.. but I trust you.. so..."  
"It's okay. I know it's hard for you.. I kinda understand more about you now.. I'm glad you told someone."   
It lasted a while. Eventually, Kiku started to pull away, and Alfred released him immediately.   
Kiku gave him a small smile and got up.   
"I'm getting something to eat." He said. "Do you want to come and get something with me?" 

Other than that, they'd had a relatively good day. It was hot, so the kids had been playing in the pool. Alfred had been in the pool with them, whilst Kiku laid on the poolside reading a book, insisting that he didn't want to go in and get wet.   
Yuuki had gotten rather impatient at this, and had splashed her father with a considerable amount of water, to which Alfred laughed as he sat on the side and said he wasn't going to save her. Sure enough, Kiku slammed his book shut and sent the kids screeching back into the water as he dived in after them just to splash them back. Alfred couldn't help but laugh about it as Yuuki paddled up to him pleading for help. Kiku had gone no mercy style, sending several ridiculously big waves over her head and had even managed to catch Brooklyn by accident.   
"You did this to yourself!" Alfred chuckled. "You shouldn't have disturbed your dad!"  
He had to laugh even more when he spotted Kiku just lurking at the other end of the pool, seemingly assessing the situation for his next attack. He was grinning. He looked really happy.   
"Why don't you get him back yourself? Seeing as you started it?" Alfred suggested, watching Kiku disappear under the surface before a huge tidal wave of water came back up with him. Yuuki squealed through laughter as she jumped out of the pool to avoid it - something that Brooklyn had already made the wise decision to do, and instead the wave of pool water caught Alfred.   
Kiku's laughter turned into more of a playful panic as an already drenched Alfred slid back into the pool with a big grin on his face. Kiku's attempts to swim away were futile, because within seconds a ruthless wave of water came over him, soaking him in fresh water despite the fact that he'd already fully submerged himself a few times. He laughed away, trying to part his dripping hair purely so that he could see again. Alfred really, truly couldn't remember if he'd ever seen Kiku enjoying himself this much. Maybe it was a good thing that Yuuki disturbed him after all. Somehow, Alfred noticed that seeing Kiku happy made him happy as well. It felt warm, and good.   
Alfred got the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Right here, right now. He genuinely considered it.   
But he wouldn't, because not only were the kids right there, but Kiku was so happy, and he didn't want to ruin anything, or make him uncomfortable or even frighten him. He knew, anyway, that Kiku didn't return his feelings. Except he didn't know that, because Kiku wanted to kiss him just as badly. He just wasn't going to say anything. Instead, they'd both ignore the urge and carry on with the water fight. 

Alfred was still struggling to process it, really. Laying in bed that night, Alfred found that he couldn't stop thinking about all aspects of the day. He couldn't wrap his head around anyone ever wanting to hurt Kiku. Kiku was so.. he was so sweet, gentle, generous and easily beyond brave, and yet..? He could cry FOR Kiku. How Kiku didn't break down there he didn't know. If it'd been him, Alfred knew he'd barely have been able to talk. For Kiku to have kept it all to himself for such a long time, for not even his family to know... Alfred couldn't help but feel awful for him, and yet, he had managed to be so strong through it all. Why would anyone ever want to hurt him..? Alfred couldn't stop thinking it. Kiku was so small, so gentle in his mannerisms that Alfred plainly couldn't believe someone bigger and stronger than him had hurt him like that. And for what? What sort of sick satisfaction did this man gain from it? Later on today, Kiku had looked so genuinely happy. He had such a big smile on his face and god, Alfred was desperate to see that smile more often. He wanted to see Kiku happy more often - all the time, if such thing was possible. Alfred couldn't deny it. He loved Kiku. He did, but surely Kiku didn't see him that way in return. Alfred just couldn't see it, and yet.. right now, if anything, he just.. found himself.. wanting to hold Kiku's hand so, so badly.


	10. Warmth after the cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred knows he's in love.  
> So does Kiku.

Kiku jolted awake this time when he felt something hard hit his back. He turned over with a scowl on his face to see Yuuki with a mischievous smile on hers.  
"What was that?!" He complained, trying to rub his eye a little.  
Yuuki crouched down to pick it up and showed him a rock, to which he gasped in horror.  
"Go put that back outside!" Kiku scolded.  
Yuuki just dropped it on the floor and started to shake him, to which he sleepily attempted to protest.  
"I'm BORED!" She half yelled into his ear. "And you said you wanted to start waking up earlier again, and it's like 10, so you should be up anyway!!"  
Kiku made a low groan in response to that.  
"I'm so bored I'm gonna die!" She whined, tugging at his arm now.  
"Why don't you go have fun with Brooklyn?"  
"I want to have fun with YOU!"  
Kiku nodded and then rolled back over, curling up in the blankets.  
"Get on here and we'll go to sleep then," he muttered, sounding half asleep already, "that's fun."  
"NOOOO!!" Yelled Yuuki, who grabbed at his shirt in an attempt to drag him off the sofa entirely. "Besides, Brooklyn is drawing his comics and Alfred isn't here and I want to play MARIO with someone!!!!"  
That got Kiku's attention.  
"What do you mean Alfred isn't here?" He asked, seemingly awake again.  
"It's Saturday!" She replied. "He's gone to the graveyard as usual."  
"Isn't it a bit early for him to.. How long has he been gone?"  
"Like AAAAAAGES!!!! He went super early! Like maybe two hours ago! When I asked him why he said he had something really, really important to ask. He even asked Brooklyn to stay home this time, he said it was super personal and secret."  
"Oh, wow. I won't ask then." Kiku stood up. "We can play Mario then."  
"AW YEAH BABY!" Yuuki shouted, punching the air. Kiku had to chuckle at it a little.  
It was only after they'd played for half an hour or so when Kiku had a glance outside and noticed how heavily it was raining. Over the game he hadn't heard it - but it'd been so hot that a downpour had to come eventually.  
"It's nearly eleven o clock.." Kiku said to himself. "He never takes this long."  
"Are you worried?" Yuuki piped up, still playing the game.  
"Well.. I suppose a little..." Kiku trailed off.  
"It's okay I think. I kind of have a suspicion of what he went to ask her about." Chirped up a voice.  
Kiku turned to look and Brooklyn was just coming into the room with a dirty plate to go in the sink.  
"I'm just worried he's going to catch a cold..." Kiku said quietly, still watching the window.  
"I mean..." Brooklyn replied, dumping his plate in the sink. "It is pretty bad out there.  
Kiku hesitated. "Okay. I've.. got a plan."  
"A plan?" The kids asked - simultaneously.  
Kiku nodded, and set his plan in motion immediately.  
"You guys just.. continue whatever you're doing." He said, trotting into the kitchen. 

Brooklyn watched what he was doing intently. Crouched by the now open cupboard, Kiku got out a small selection of vegetables. Several onions and several carrots to be precise. He then skated over to the fridge and took some leftover chicken, and a few other ingredients whilst he was at it. He took a board and a knife and set to dicing the veg. He did it surprisingly quickly and efficiently, and threw the chopped veg into a large steel pot he'd set on the stove beforehand. He threw some oil and stock in there, and got the mixture simmering before he started on the chicken - which went into the pot shortly after.  
"What're you actually making?" Brooklyn asked after some time.  
"A chicken soup." Kiku replied, crushing a clove of garlic to go in there. "It should warm him up when he gets back.. there'll be enough for everyone, too."  
"Can I help?" Brooklyn asked, coming to stand on his tiptoes for a better look at what Kiku was doing.  
"If you get a step, you can stir it."  
So he did just that, and climbed up. Kiku passed him a wooden spoon and demonstrated what to do.  
"Just be careful and slow with it." He told. "It's really hot, but you're not really the type to do anything silly, so.."  
"Can I help?!!" Yuuki yelled from in the other room.  
"I would trust you to do it in a million years." Kiku said back, just loud enough so that she'd hear it. Brooklyn snickered to himself as Yuuki let out a pterodactyl screech of rage.  
"That's right, just like that.." Kiku muttered, watching Brooklyn stir the soup. He gave the kid a warm smile. "You're doing really good." 

A while went past before Kiku got the lid of the pot and finally put it over.  
"Now we just need to leave it for a while." He stated, turning down the heat just a little. Brooklyn hopped off the stool and went off to play Mario with Yuuki, who was still struggling to get by the 3rd level without help.  
Kiku's plan wasn't quite finished yet, and his next call was to run upstairs and grab some other stuff. First stop was the bathroom, where he'd get some fresh towels for Alfred. To his dismay, Alfred, who seemed to forget that Kiku was a little shorter than average, had dumped most of them on the top shelf at some point. No worries though, for Kiku could be crafty when he wanted to. He found himself balancing carefully on the side of the bathtub, and from there, he could reach them. He grabbed a pile and hopped down, rather pleased with his clever solution to the issue. That was one thing. His next plan was to grab some fresh blankets from the cupboard, and luckily for him, Alfred hadn't accidentally put them out of reach this time. He took a fair few of them, trying to pick out the fluffiest looking ones he could, and set them down with the piles of towels. 

He was a little hesitant to go in Alfred's room. He wasn't really sure why, other than that he'd never been in there and going in whilst Alfred wasn't here seemed like an invasion of privacy. In the end he decided those were good enough reasons to be hesitant. He pushed open the door though, and was greeted with a chokingly strong scent of bodyspray. It was as if the man didn't at least open a window when he used it - he probably didn't. There were random loose socks all over the floor, and the bedsheets were completely crumpled up in a ball. Kiku had to resist the serious urge to tidy up and make the bed - he wasn't really a fan of mess. Opening the closet turned out to be a bigger mistake, when Kiku saw the sheer amount of clothes that were just thrown into the bottom of it, rather than hung up. The few that were hung up looked clean at least. Kiku selected a pair of fresh jeans and a warm looking sweater, before he left the room, carefully shutting the door again. He piled everything up and carefully made his way downstairs with it all, and the second he set everything down, he heard the familiar click of the front door.  
Kiku grabbed a towel and practically flung himself into the passageway to be greeted with an Alfred who was dripping with rainwater. He laughed upon seeing Kiku stood there with a towel in hand.  
"You got prepared, huh?" He laughed.  
Kiku shot around the back of him and began helping take his coat off.  
"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly. "You were gone for so long and it's so cold out there-"  
"Hey, relax dude! It's okay! I'm-"  
Alfred sneezed.  
"I knew it!" Kiku gasped, throwing the towel over Alfred's head and proceeding to rub his hair whilst Alfred couldn't help but giggle.  
"Come on, come on." Kiku continued, gently trying to guide Alfred out of the passageway and into the room. He sat Alfred down on the sofa and started draping towels all over him - around his shoulders, over his legs.  
Kiku came around the front of Alfred and gently took his glasses off, before he picked up a towel with his hands and gently rubbed Alfred's face dry. Alfred just leaned into it, enjoying the free massage as he saw it. He kind of just liked having Kiku's gentle hands all over his face so he closed his eyes and just enjoyed it. Kiku had to fight every urge to kiss him and shook his head clean of those shameful thoughts.  
"I made sure there were going to be enough towels.. and I brought some blankets.. and there's some spare clothes for you..."  
Alfred's eyes fluttered open again and he grinned at Kiku.  
"Do you have any idea how sweet you are?" He said, without really thinking much about it. He didn't have his glasses of course, but he saw the colour change in Kiku's cheeks.  
Kiku seemed to hesitate for a second. Pause for a short while before he seemed to throw himself at Alfred. Kiku's head resting on his shoulder, his small hands firmly on his back.  
"I'm just glad you're okay.." Kiku said, his voice low and quiet. "I was a little.. worried.. I guess."  
Alfred leaned into it and put an arm around Kiku's back. With his other arm he reached up to gently see if he could get away with putting his hand on the back of Kiku's head. He felt Kiku jump at the contact, but he didn't reject it, so Alfred ran his fingers through his hair as gently as he could manage.  
"It's okay, y'know! I'm totally fine thanks to you!" Alfred cheerily replied. "I couldn't have asked for a nicer welcome home, really."  
Kiku breathed deeply into him, his heart pounding. Letting Alfred play with his hair felt so nice.. it was a nice sensation that he wasn't used to anymore. Alfred didn't mind it either. Kiku's hair was so.. soft and silky in his fingers. He could do this all day...  
"Ooh la la!!!!!"  
Kiku shrieked and stumbled backwards, landing on his butt and his palms.  
"Yuuki!" He exclaimed at the cheeky kid in the doorway. Alfred reached for his glasses.  
"Where'd you come from, huh?" Alfred asked her as if nothing had happened.  
"I've been here ages." She stated, leaning against the wall.  
Alfred went to help Kiku get up, and Kiku brushed himself off once he was on his feet again.  
"You weirdo." Alfred teased at her, before falling back to sit on the sofa.  
"He's right." Kiku muttered, going back to ignoring her. She got bored soon enough and ran away. Alfred sneezed again and that got Kiku's mind back on the right track.  
"Here.." he said, moving the towels away to drape a blanket over Alfred instead. "Actually- that reminds me-"  
Alfred was about to ask what, but Kiku had already run off to what seemed like the kitchen. He heard a few setting of plates - or dishes? And all of a sudden, something smelled great.  
He heard Kiku setting some down for the kids, and soon enough, he came back carrying a couple of bowls. He set one down on the side table for himself, and came over to hand one to Alfred.  
"I was worried you'd get sick or something, so I made some soup for you.."  
"Holy shit! Thanks!" Alfred beamed, looking down at the food. The kids could be heard snickering in the other room, to which he replied with something along the lines of "You didn't hear me say that!" 

Kiku sat down and began eating his own, quietly as always.  
"This is amazing!" Alfred piped up, mouth full.. as always. "What is this? Chicken?"  
Kiku nodded and swallowed.  
"Chicken soup is really good for you."  
"Yeah, it is when it tastes this good!"  
To no surprise, Alfred wolfed it down and had finished long before Kiku. He left to get changed into the clean dry clothes that Kiku had gotten out for him. 

"I seriously can't thank you enough, dude." Said Alfred as he came back in. He took the dirty bowls and went to put them in the kitchen. "I'm serious, you did so much and you didn't even have to!"  
Kiku smiled and nodded.  
Brooklyn was in the kitchen when Alfred went in there, putting his own dirty bowl in the sink. He tugged on his dad's sleeve, prompting Alfred to crouch down to him.  
"Dad, can I ask you something?" He said quietly, practically whispering.  
"What's up lil buddy?" Alfred replied.  
Brooklyn quietly made pointing gestures into the living room, and then leaned right into his dad's ear.  
"Are you going out?" He asked, seemingly innocent about it.  
Alfred felt his entire face burn.  
"N-No?? No!!" He stammered back, knowing how red he must look now.  
Brooklyn leaned back in.  
"You should!"  
"N-No, Brooklyn! It's not like that- I don't know where you're getting that from-" Alfred stopped himself.  
His mind went back and forth for a second before he finally decided that maybe he should be honest with his own kid. He beckoned Brooklyn to lean back in.  
"I'd ask him out if I was sure he liked me back." Alfred whispered into his ear. "I'm not very good at telling with these things."  
"I knew it!" Brooklyn exclaimed.  
"Hey! Hey! Shush! Don't tell, okay? Definitely don't tell Yuuki, she can't keep secrets." Panicked Alfred, still trying to keep his voice hushed. Brooklyn nodded enthusiastically.  
"I won't tell a soul!" He said, before he ran off.

It was later that day in the evening when after the kids had gone to bed. Kiku and Alfred both just sat on the sofa.  
"I sent it." Kiku said, out of nowhere.  
Alfred looked at him in confusion before he figured it out.  
"The letter?"  
"Yeah."  
It was quiet for a few seconds.  
"I don't know if my father will respond to it. He might not want to know me. I actually don't even know if he'll get it... He might not live at the same address anymore.. but.. if he does, I included my contact details.. since I didn't tell anyone what happened, and I changed my phone number and everything."  
Alfred swallowed.  
"You just disappeared?"  
"Yeah. What else was I supposed to do?"  
Alfred shook his head.  
"No no, I didn't mean it like that. It just surprised me a little."  
He gave Kiku's shoulder a reassuring rub.  
"I'm really proud of you. I really hope he gets it."  
Kiku looked over and gave a weak smile.  
"Thank you."  
"When I went out today," Alfred went on, "as you know I went to visit the graveyard again. I needed to ask some really important stuff. It was weird, but I did it. There's always signs n stuff and.. I think she gave me the go ahead."  
Kiku smiled.  
"Well, whatever it is that you asked her... I'm proud of you for doing it as well."  
Alfred grinned in response.  
"Wanna watch a movie instead?" He asked.

About halfway through the movie, and Alfred was getting a little fidgety. It was a good movie, sure, and Kiku seemed fixated, but Alfred had other things on his mind.  
Carefully, trying so hard not to move too sudden or make it weird, Alfred stretched his arm around Kiku's little body and pulled him in so that they were effectively cuddling. He felt Kiku stiffen up immensely, clearly no longer absorbed in the movie.  
Alfred tried to force a laugh.  
"Aha.. sorry, is that- is that weird?" He asked, wanting to slap himself the second he said it.  
Kiku seemed like he wasn't going to reply and an uncomfortable silence went past.  
"N-No.. it's.. it's not weird. It's alright." He said softly, relaxing into Alfred's arms as he did so.  
"That's.. That's good.." replied Alfred, flustered and red in the face. He assumed Kiku was probably the same way.  
But.. despite the awkwardness at first, it soon became nice. Kiku's warmth, his weight, how Alfred could feel his breathing and his heartbeat against his own. Kiku leaned his head against Alfred's chest, and just relished in how.. nice he felt. He couldn't quite figure Alfred out. Sometimes the man just acted as a friend around him, but other times, like this...  
Then, it seemed like Alfred wanted to change position, and Kiku complied, not really wanting to give up whatever this was. They ended up laid on the sofa, stretched out with Alfred on his back, and Kiku laying on his stomach on top of him. They watched the rest of the movie like that, Alfred with one hand on Kiku's back, stroking him gently. Kiku had his head resting properly on Alfred's chest now, and he clung to Alfred's shirt, breathing in his warm scent. Alfred's entire body was warm, and in this position, Kiku could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. It couldn't get any better - but it did when Alfred went back to what he'd been doing earlier and started stroking and playing with his hair again. That was it - Kiku was in heaven at that point. He could.. almost go to sleep.. like this. Surely it wouldn't hurt.. to just close his eyes for a second. 

Alfred's heart exploded when he felt Kiku go heavy on him. Had he just fallen asleep? He tried to get a look best he could, and sure enough, Kiku was fast asleep. Alfred had butterflies almost. Did Kiku really trust him that much? He looked so peaceful and sweet.. so Alfred let him be, continuing to run his fingers through Kiku's inky hair. He just wanted Kiku to feel loved. He wanted Kiku to feel safe and happy - Kiku deserved it more than anyone. After all, at this point, Alfred would willingly admit that he was pretty much in love with Kiku. He hoped that maybe whatever was going on here was a sign that Kiku loved him back.  
Alfred didn't even finish the dumb movie before he too, couldn't help but slip away under the warmth of his own feelings.


	11. Clearing the mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody had realised how much he'd bottled it up before Kiku began to break.

Alfred woke up sleepily, but on his own time. What was it now - Sunday? Yeah. Sunday.  
It took a while for him to figure out where he was, and it took another while for him to figure out why, but soon enough, he glanced down and seemed to remember. He hadn't even meant to fall asleep like this. 

His heart fluttered just a little. Kiku was still tucked under his arm, with his face buried into Alfred's chest and his hand still grasping Alfred's shirt. Alfred went to rub his eyes with his free hand and realised he'd fallen asleep wearing his glasses - he must have just dropped off at some point in the night. Even the TV was still on, though nothing was playing anymore. He really, really wanted to kiss the top of Kiku's head - this was practically the perfect position to do so, but he decided against it.  
Instead, he gave Kiku a gentle shake.  
"I'm already awake, you know." Was the response he got back.  
"Seriously?" Alfred kind of laughed. He felt Kiku nod against him.  
"I didn't want to move and wake you up... And I'm comfy..." He said, his voice quiet and soft in tone.  
"Yeah, I'm comfy too."  
Alfred put his other arm around Kiku, to hold him with both, and in turn he felt Kiku reach up and hook his arms around Alfred's neck. He felt him nuzzle into his chest, and god, Alfred wanted this to last forever. Some minutes went past like that, and oh, the both of them thought it heavenly. It was so warm, so secure, so safe...  
"Alfred... There's something on my mind." Kiku quietly spoke up.  
"What is it?"  
"C-Can I tell you something..? I really want to say it..."  
Alfred's heart pounded in his chest.  
"Of course you can." He replied. Some silence went past and Alfred was so desperate to know.  
Kiku seemingly panicked, tensing up all of a sudden.  
"It doesn't matter." He said, suddenly becoming more abrupt than he usually was.  
"Wh-" Alfred was confused. "Are you sure?"  
Kiku got up and pulled away, Alfred letting him go freely. He sat upright and didn't look at Alfred. He tried to hide his face almost.  
"I'm sorry." He said. "It's not actually worth saying."  
Alfred wasn't totally sure what just happened. One second it was absolute heaven and the next... Kiku just seemed to shut down. If anything, Alfred was just worried. Confused and worried. Had he done something? Said something? Or was it something else? 

Alfred sat up as well, and tried to get a look. It was obvious Kiku wasn't going to let him.  
"Kiku..?" Alfred attempted to get his attention, his voice gentler than usual. "Are you... Okay?"  
Kiku silently shook his head, keeping it lowered, keeping his face hidden.  
Alfred didn't really know what to do. He didn't really know how to help. He reached out and tried to place his hand on Kiku's shoulder, attempting to be reassuring - it clearly didn't work because Kiku almost flew off the sofa, making a choked sound. Alfred moved his hand away instantaneously, regretting the move.  
Kiku took a shaky breath.  
"Don't." He trembled. "Please don't."  
Alfred nodded slowly.  
"Okay.. I.. okay."  
Some time went past and Alfred had no idea how to help or what to do. He just sat there, worrying about it. He knew it was better he just sit there though, than try to help and make it even worse. He swallowed hard. Each second was getting more and more painful and he just didn't know what to-  
"I'm going outside." Kiku mumbled, getting up as he said it. Alfred didn't reply.

Half an hour later, and it sounded like the kids were stirring upstairs. Alfred still couldn't quite piece together what happened. Whatever it was, he felt awful about it. He busied himself on his phone for a while, listening to the kids play upstairs, but no matter what else he did...  
He knew Kiku had panicked, but what had set it off? It seemed to just happen.. right when he was going to tell him something important...? What had make him suddenly become so upset in that moment? So.. frightened?  
Alfred hated it. He didn't understand how someone could do that to Kiku. Someone had made him like that. Hurt him enough to change Kiku forever. He didn't understand how someone could do that to anyone.. but Kiku was just so...  
Kiku Honda, who was so caring, so kind, so compassionate and generous? Kiku, who was just quiet, and minded his own business, and was so respectful and respectable in turn. Kiku who worked so hard and let go of all his lifes dreams so that Yuuki could have a better one. Who was so gentle, and cute, and so small, and had such a good heart.  
Who would hurt someone like that? After all, people like that weren't common to come by.  
Alfred didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it. He didn't want to understand it, not ever, but he did want to know why. Why and how could someone knowingly leave Kiku like this?  
No matter how hard he tried, Alfred couldn't snap himself out of it. 

Before he knew it, it'd been an hour. Kiku still hadn't come back. Alfred decided he had to do something.. anything. He got himself up, and went to the kitchen. He filled a glass with fresh, cold water and he grabbed a little packet of candies. He shoved on his sandals and went outside.

Out there, he spotted Kiku right away. Sitting in the same position as usual. Sitting in the wildflowers, with his feet dipped in the pool water, his hands on the edge of the pool except, today, where he normally looked up at the bright blue sky, he stared down emptily at his own legs. Alfred made sure Kiku would see him coming, purposely walking from in front of him up to the pool. Kiku didn't react. He didn't make a sound, or move a muscle, or even just glance with his eyes. He simply didn't react.  
Even when Alfred came over and crouched down, he stayed frozen. 

"Hey, Kiku." Alfred said, in as soft a tone as he could manage. "I know I'm not really who you want to see right now, but..."  
He set down the water and the packet next to Kiku.  
"I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't get dehydrated or anything.. and maybe a lil somethin to cheer you up, too."  
Alfred waited a second.  
"If you need to talk about it, it's okay..."  
Still, Kiku didn't seem to hear him. Alfred just nodded.  
"That's alright.." he said, getting up to leave. "I'll-"  
Without looking, Kiku silently raised his arm so that his hand was pointing outwards, palm up. Alfred watched, unsure of what he wanted. He thought about it a second, and carefully reached out to place his hand in Kiku's.  
Kiku grasped his hand and let out a small noise. It almost sounded like a small cry.  
"Thank you." Kiku almost whispered.  
Alfred just stood there and held his hand, waiting. Kiku made another little noise. More of a sniffle this time. He held Alfred's hand tighter.  
"Please stay."  
Alfred swallowed.  
"Okay."  
So he sat down, keeping hold of Kiku's hand, and he tried to relax, letting his feet dangle in the water in the same way that Kiku did. He was burning to ask questions but he knew that wouldn't help Kiku right now. He sat there and focused on not doing so. Kiku wouldn't look at him, but he kept holding Alfred's hand. Alfred listened to the birds chirping in the morning sunshine. 

"I'm sorry."

Alfred spun his head to look at Kiku, who still hung his in the same position he had been.  
"I'm really sorry. I don't know.. I don't know what happened."  
Alfred squeezed his hand.  
"It's okay, y'know? It wasn't your fault..."  
"You'll forgive me, won't you? For acting like that?"  
"...Kiku there's.. nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault.. You haven't done anything..."  
"There's so much on my mind."  
"It's okay if you wanna talk about it all..?"  
"I don't want to be a burden."  
Kiku's voice was so small, and rigid. Alfred could tell he was trying so hard not to cry.  
"You're not." He reassured.  
Kiku paused.  
"Are you sure..?"  
"Yeah, I am. I promise it's okay."  
He was quiet again for a minute or so.  
"It's just... There's a lot of things... To start with I feel terrible.. I can't keep relying on you like this, it's beyond shameful but I'm trying really hard. I've applied for more jobs than I can count anymore but... It's really difficult... I don't know what I'm going to do because I need one so badly... So that I can get out of your way and be able to stand on my own feet again. On top of that... I can't stop thinking about that letter. I'm so desperate, Alfred, I'm so desperate to hear from my father and all my younger siblings and what if they just don't want to know me anymore? What if none of them understand why I did it?"  
Kiku stopped to take a breath.  
"And I have some feelings that I don't know how to handle... I can't explain it. I'm terrified of them... I don't want to get hurt again - I'm so frightened.. I just... I should be happy but I.. I can't.. I tried to talk about it earlier and I just panicked."

Kiku took a sharp breath and squeezed Alfred's hand - hard.  
"That is a lotta stuff... I'm sorry you gotta deal with that..." Alfred hesitated. "Please look at me, Kiku."  
Kiku's legs were shaking. Alfred wasn't sure how long they had been. He looked up at Alfred, his eyes dark and teary, his lip quivering just a little. He was barely holding it together.  
"It's a lot but.. you can get through it. Bit by bit. I know you can do it... You've overcome worse things before, haven't you? It's gonna be okay."  
He squeezed Kiku's hand.  
"I'll let you in on a secret," Alfred continued, "I kinda get the last one.. a little. In a different way I guess. I have some indescribable feelings too.. but I'm scared of losing again. So... I guess I kind of get it. I'm sorry Kiku, you don't deserve to feel so bad."  
Alfred paused, looking at Kiku's face. He just wanted to make it better. He just wanted to help somehow.  
"It's okay to cry, you know. I cry a lot."  
Kiku shook his head.  
"I'll do no such thing."  
His voice didn't lie, though. He was on the verge of breaking. Alfred could see it.  
"Maybe it'd be healthy for you to let it out?"  
"It's too shameful." Kiku protested, his voice cracking.  
"I promise it's not." Alfred told him. 

Kiku looked at him, his face struggling to keep it in anymore. Alfred watched the first tear fall and heard the first stifled sob. He let go of Kiku's hand and outstretched his arms instead, and Kiku took the invitation, shuffling in to press himself back against Alfred. He apologised numerous times, despite Alfred telling him there was nothing to be sorry for. He let Alfred hold him in his arms and he finally let himself go. Kiku cried violently, unable to hold himself back anymore. Alfred understood almost. He wouldn't be able to hold back either. He wished Kiku would be more open in the first place so that he wouldn't have to suffer like this later, but he was one to bottle things up for sure. All the while, Alfred kept him in a warm embrace, holding him tight to keep him safe from anything and everything. He didn't like to see Kiku cry like this, he never had seen Kiku cry actually, but... It needed to happen. For Kiku to start feeling better, this had to happen. 

Once Kiku had finished, he wiped his eyes with his hands, and slumped down to rest his head on Alfred's lap. He didn't like to, really. Right now he felt drained and awful, but for having that cry he felt better than he had done previously. Kiku wished he could change things. He felt practically powerless.  
Kiku felt Alfred start playing with his hair again. Not like he had done last night, where he just did it. He was doing it timidly now. Kiku's stomach flipped when he realised Alfred was scared of hurting him. He felt awful.  
Had he done that? He didn't want Alfred to worry about things like that. It had only been a few months since they'd met, but Alfred had never once hurt him. Why should the man be afraid of doing so? If only, thought Kiku, Alfred knew just how much healing he'd done. He decided he should say something.  
"That feels nice." He said quietly, trying to let Alfred know he could continue.  
"Does it?" Replied the American. "I was worried I'd scare you again."  
Kiku attempted to shake his head but remembered that he was laying on his side here.  
"You didn't scare me in the first place." He told Alfred. "I know you were just trying to help. I got myself into a state and I couldn't process anything."  
"That's not your fault."  
"But it isn't yours either ... What you're doing now.. I really like it.."  
Alfred smiled to himself and took that as a sign to continue, being a little less hesitant with it.  
"I wasn't always like this." Kiku continued. "But.. you, Alfred, are helping me to see things differently again. I hope that I can repay you for everything you've done one day."  
Alfred chuckled.  
"You give me way too much credit." 

\---

It was later, coming close to evening time, and Kiku was in brighter spirits to say the least. He'd spent the day being rather productive. He'd got himself together and sent off some more applications, and he'd entertained the kids for a while by challenging them to beat him at a fighting game. By the end of the day, he still held his crown in that one, though admittedly he'd let them win a couple games each.  
He'd had some time to himself, and Alfred had noticed him sketching. He didn't even know that Kiku could draw, but when he asked, Kiku showed him a pretty landscape that he'd spent a few hours on. Alfred found it fascinating how people could just draw like that. He had trouble trying to draw a stick man. 

Alfred was in the kitchen, cooking dinner when Kiku came in for a drink. He had the radio on, listening to one of the channels with older music on. Couldn't beat that stuff.  
He was flipping over the patties when Kiku came up behind him and gave him an unusually affectionate hug from the back.  
"That smells amazing." He commented, lifting his head so he could see over Alfred's shoulder.  
"Damn right it does!" Alfred grinned. "I'm a gourmet chef, don't you know?"  
"Says the man who gave both kids five dollars to go to KFC instead of cooking the other week." Mumbled Kiku, smiling just as much.  
"You're just mean. You know as a gourmet chef I actually recommend KFC. Better than any old five star restaurant."  
"Yeah okay, gourmet chef."  
"Don't believe me?!" Alfred exclaimed, spinning round and catching Kiku off guard.  
He took one of Kiku's hands and hooked his other arm around Kiku's back, pulling him right in. Kiku gasped at the suddenness of it.  
"This song on the radio," Alfred said, beginning to step back and forth a little. "It used to be the slow dance song in my highschool."  
"Did it now?" Kiku replied, going along with it.  
"Why don't we dance like that? Like we're what? 18?"  
"Show me how."  
Alfred beamed, and held him tightly, the two of them spinning round in the kitchen as if nothing in the world mattered anymore. The song had long since finished but they didn't stop dancing. They'd dance to anything.  
Alfred got a little carried away and reached to pick Kiku up, swinging him upwards and spinning round with Kiku in his arms. Kiku shrieked but he laughed, unable to contain it anymore. It felt good to feel so free and bubbly all of a sudden. From both points.  
"Put me down!!" Kiku weakly tried to protest, despite the fact he couldn't stop giggling over the situation.  
"Not a chance!" Alfred countered, continuing to fool around. Kiku was so happy. So was Alfred, really. He couldn't remember the last time just being around someone had made him so indescribably joyous. Kiku clung to him, still laughing and enjoying himself for once, and Alfred treasured every last second of it.

Eventually, one of them would come to realise that the food was burning, but until then, it was utter bliss.


	12. To know for sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred can't stop daydreaming. Meanwhile, Kiku gets a phone call.

Alfred woke up to the horrendous noise of the Monday morning alarm. He wondered if there was even a worse noise in the entire world.   
He lazily swiped the off button on his phone and dragged himself to sit up, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He grabbed his glasses from the side and put them on at a wonky angle at first, fixing them when he realised how badly angled they were.  
Opening the curtains, Alfred was dazed by the blinding light of an early morning sunshine, and he had to look away for a second to let his eyes adjust.   
He finally washed up in the bathroom, and got dressed in his usual work suit, not forgetting to brush his hair today.   
Today was the first day in a long time that he didn't go and listen to that god forsaken voicemail first thing in the morning.  
After all, he felt like that last Saturday, she'd told him something. She'd reminded him it was okay to move on. She'd reminded him that he had the strength.   
Alfred took a deep, deep breath.   
It kind of felt good. 

When he finally trotted down the stairs, a mouth watering aroma greeted him. Usually, he just grabbed a cereal bar or something - was Kiku already up?   
Sure enough, when he strode into the main room, he could see Kiku in the kitchen just plating up some food. What time was it - eight in the morning? Kiku clearly heard him come in, because he glanced over and smiled.  
"Good morning, Alfred." He greeted, his voice wonderfully sweet.   
"I- uh, good morning! What's got you up so early?" Alfred replied, going into the kitchen to stand with Kiku. He looked at what Kiku was doing, tilting his head a little. "What're those?"   
They almost looked like little yellow slices of something, though from what Alfred could tell, Kiku was rolling them up to be like that. Was it egg? It kind of looked like it.   
"It's tamagoyaki. Rolled omelette." Kiku explained, continuing to work. He kept his voice low and soft, as to not wake the kids. Alfred didn't mind that at all. He thought it was ridiculously pretty. "I'm up because I wanted to make a nice breakfast for you."   
Alfred felt his cheeks go pink and he fiddled with his hands a little.  
"You- You did? Jeez, you didn't have to-"   
He stopped when Kiku turned and grabbed hold of his tie, pulling him dangerously close. He stuttered a little, this not what he'd been expecting to happen. Without letting go of the tie, Kiku took one of the pieces that had been cooling and held it up to Alfred's face. He smiled, and Alfred thought that he must know exactly what he was doing here.   
"Say 'aah'" Kiku said. Alfred did just that, and Kiku tenderly put the tamagoyaki in his mouth.   
Alfred was a shade of crimson as he chewed and swallowed, and Kiku finally let go of his tie. Alfred couldn't string a sentence together anymore. What the hell was that?   
"I- uh- you- that was- that was really good, uh- you're a great cook-"  
"Thank you." Replied Kiku, before he picked up a dish to give to Alfred. "Here's the rest of it. Please enjoy!"   
"Damn- I- I sure will!" Alfred grinned, the bashfulness wearing off slightly. 

He took it to the table and Kiku followed, with a dish of it for himself. They ate quietly and peacefully, and Alfred had to remark that this was the best breakfast he'd had in a long time. After they finished, Kiku took their plates back to the kitchen whilst Alfred went to get his shoes. Before he left, he turned to notice Kiku standing in the passage doorway, leaning against the frame. Alfred couldn't help but smile. This man was so.. so pretty and so charming, Alfred was desperate to give him a kiss goodbye.  
"Well," He said, stepping out the door. "See you later, Keeks! Have a good day!"   
"Have a good day also, Alfred! I'll be waiting for you when you get home."   
Alfred smiled and went to close the door - except he didn't quite get there when Kiku grabbed the handle at the other side, preventing it from shutting fully.   
"Alfred, wait! I need to say something!"   
Alfred let go of the handle and Kiku opened the door again.   
"What's.. what's up?" Alfred asked, his eyes meeting Kiku's.  
Kiku stood there, his rich eyes staring into Alfred's, his mouth open just a little. He took a quick breath and seemingly composed himself.   
"I just wanted to say, Alfred, I..."   
Kiku paused.   
"I think you look beautiful."   
Alfred's eyes widened and his face went a shade of red all over again. Luckily for him at least, Kiku was rosy cheeked as well.   
"I- uh- damn, thank you. That's really, uh, really nice of you.. s-see you later then!" Alfred turned to leave and then spun to look at Kiku one more time. "F-for the record, Kiku, I actually think you're not so bad yourself."   
He watched Kiku blush and go all shy again, and he smiled to himself as he set on his way to work.

Through the walk he still found himself flustered and practically intoxicated by Kiku's actions and words that morning. Kiku had suddenly seemed so confident.. assertive even, and at the same time endearing and enchanting too. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Was Kiku just being nice to him? Or was Kiku making a move?! Alfred's heart pounded in his chest thinking about it. What if Kiku liked him back? Maybe it wasn't one sided after all? Alfred felt light on his feet and all tipsy - he felt like he was a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. Alfred wondered to himself what Kiku's lips would feel like on his. Would he be a gentle kisser or would he be surprisingly rough? Would he want Alfred to kiss first or would he take the lead? Would he lean in and press himself against Alfred in a warm, sincere cuddle, and would he want more kisses after that first one? He felt euphoric thinking about it, grinning to himself as he more or less skipped down the path. He loved Kiku, he loved Kiku, he loved Kiku.

At lunchtime, Alfred ate his chicken and had some spare time. He decided to take a walk around the office, and came across the bulletin board. He stopped to take a glance when something caught his eye.   
He squinted and grabbed the flyer.  
'Software engineer wanted.'   
Alfred paused. Months ago, when he'd only just met Kiku, he'd talked about something like that. He racked his brains and suddenly remembered Kiku telling him how he'd given it all up to escape with Yuuki.   
He didn't have to put any more thought into it. He grabbed an application form and folded it up to give to Kiku later. This would be perfect, he thought.  
"Didn't know you were into all that techy stuff, Al." Said his colleague, who happened to be walking past.   
"I'm not," Replied Alfred, "but I know someone who is!" 

That evening, Alfred practically ran back with excitement.  
"KIKU, HOLY FUCK!" He yelled, bursting through the door. He heard the kids go wild with laughter. "You didn't hear me say that!" He called.   
Kiku appeared around the doorframe, tilting his head slightly.   
"Welcome home Alfred. What's the matter?"   
Alfred fiddled with his pockets and pulled out the form, holding it up to Kiku's face. Kiku took it from Alfred and held it at a distance.   
"Ah, I'll need my reading glasses.." He said calmly, going to fetch them. Alfred kicked off his shoes and followed excitedly, sitting down on the sofa alongside Kiku.   
Kiku fixed his glasses, and scanned over the paper in his hands.  
"Oh, Alfred... I couldn't apply for something like this." He said quietly, lowering the paper a little.   
Alfred stared at him. "Why not?!"  
"I... There's no way I'd have a chance! I told you- My-"  
"But your qualification thingy- you still did it, didn't you? And- and I work there too! So I could put in a good word about you and everything! The pay is so good and you're literally qualified to do it!"  
Kiku was silent, staring that the paper. He traced a couple lines on it with his fingers, as if he was really thinking.   
"Isn't it worth a shot?!" Alfred coaxed. "There's nothing to stop you from applying at least! You said it was your dream career!"   
Kiku glanced back up at Alfred, and then back down at the paper.   
"I never thought I'd get another chance, so..."   
"Well," Alfred continued, shuffling over to sit right up next to Kiku, "I think you've got a real good chance of getting this job, Keeks."  
Kiku nodded a little.   
"Then I'll apply."  
He got up to take the paper to the table, where he could write, and Alfred left to get changed upstairs. 

When he came back down, Kiku was almost finished. Alfred made him a coffee, and set it down next to him, which Kiku thanked him for. Alfred came and sat behind him, resting his head on Kiku's shoulder as he finished up. He closed his eyes for a while. Kiku was nice to cuddle up to. Alfred had found that doing this was usually a risky move, since sometimes Kiku would just reject the physical contact altogether, but other times like this, he'd just let it happen. Then there was the rare occasion that he'd fully embrace it, and oh was that special. Right now, Kiku wasn't embracing it, but that was alright, since he was busy anyway. Alfred made himself comfortable, nuzzling against his neck a little, taking a nice, deep breath of Kiku's fresh smell. That was nice. That was really nice. Kiku's body felt so small against his and he half began to wonder if Kiku was enjoying this as much as he was. 

"Tired?" Asked Kiku, his hand in Alfred's hair, giving him a gentle scratch.   
"Wha-" Alfred sat upright, adjusting his glasses that were apparently off angled now.  
Kiku looked back to smile at him, his face warm and content.  
"You fell asleep just now."  
"Did I?!"  
"Yes!"   
Alfred laughed a little.   
"Jeez, maybe I am tired."   
"Well, it's done at least."   
"Huh?"  
"The application, I mean."  
Kiku held up the paper, completely filled in now. Alfred beamed, taking it to glance over.   
"This looks great, Kiku!" He said. "I'll take this to work with me tomorrow and hand it in for you!"   
"Thank you." Kiku replied. 

Out of nowhere, the phone rang.   
"Is that your phone?" Alfred asked, sitting up to look around.   
"I- I believe so," Answered Kiku, getting up to go and grab it. "I'm just not sure who would be calling me."   
Alfred followed behind, and watched as he saw Kiku freeze up in front of the phone.   
"What is it?"   
"It's-" Kiku turned to look at him, seemingly panicking a little. "It's a Japanese number. What do I do?"  
"Answer it!" Exclaimed Alfred. "I'm right here if you need me, okay?"  
Kiku nodded, and picked up the phone.   
"Moshi moshi?"  
Alfred quickly realised he wasn't going to be able to understand the rest of this phone call, but he'd stay to support Kiku.   
They ended up sitting on the sofa again, and even though Alfred didn't understand a word that came out of Kiku's mouth, he did understand Kiku's body language. He looked somewhat distressed, and occasionally he'd cover his mouth with his hand, or go to bite his nails or something similar. Alfred saw him shake a little, and decided to do something before it got any worse. He carefully pulled Kiku into his lap, as quietly as he could, and sat cross legged so that Kiku would be comfortable in the middle. He wrapped his arms around Kiku's body and Kiku gave him a quick smile, as if to say thank you. Eventually, Alfred felt a small hand snake into his and he grasped it, knowing that was what Kiku wanted by now.   
He just sat there, and let Kiku continue. He could hear him getting a little emotional, and he'd stroke his hand a little with his thumb to remind Kiku that he was there for him.   
He kind of liked hearing Kiku speak in his own language. He'd heard it once or twice before, but only the odd sentence when he was speaking to Yuuki. Not in conversation like this. It was nice. It sounded pretty. Kiku's voice sounded a little different like this, and Alfred couldn't quite put his finger on why. He just.. liked it.   
He noticed Kiku glance at him and sat up just a little, just in case. He seemed to say some final things, and then he hung up, and just sat there, silently staring at the phone. He seemed stunned.  
Alfred gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "...Kiku?"  
Kiku nodded a tiny bit.  
"It was him. It was my dad."   
"...Holy shit. What.. did he say?"  
Kiku swallowed hard.   
"He thought... Him and all of my siblings thought I was dead."   
"Holy shit."   
"They all... They knew what was going on. He said it was obvious but they were terrified to say anything. I don't blame them. They all thought he would kill me if they told, and then when I disappeared, they thought he had done. He said they all hated themselves for not doing anything, because they thought afterwards that if they'd said something they could've saved me. The truth is... After all that I was never stable enough, nor brave enough to get in contact with them."  
"That's an awful situation." Alfred replied, squeezing Kiku's hand. Kiku leaned back against him, resting his head back on Alfred's chest where he liked it to be.   
"He said he's proud of me." Kiku said quietly.   
"He should be." Alfred said back.   
"He said he's proud that I ran away, that I saved myself when they were too scared to do it for me. I asked him to forgive me, but he told me not to be sorry. He told me he's just happy to finally know what happened to me. To know I'm still here."   
Alfred gave his whole body a squeeze.   
"I'm proud of you too, Keeks. You've done some of the hardest shit I can imagine."   
Kiku looked up at him with a weak and tired smile.   
"I told you yesterday that you give me way too much credit, but you know... You don't give yourself enough."


	13. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the late summer, Alfred finally makes up his mind.

Saturday.  
Strangely enough, today Alfred didn't feel as if he had to go to the graveyard. He felt lighter, almost as if he wasn't being pulled to go. He felt a little bit freer, almost.  
He'd had a good week, really. It'd seemed a lot calmer.  
The summer was passing quickly, and soon, the kids would be back at school. In fact, it was getting to that back end of summer, where the heat stops getting hotter and begins to level off. Where the sun begins to set just a tiny bit earlier in the evening and the nights still carry that warmness in their dark. Mornings, like this, were cooler, and would gradually warm up until noon, when the sun would reach it's peak.  
Trotting down the stairs, Alfred checked his phone. Didn't look like he had anything to do today. There was something in the back of his mind that he wanted to do, though. He thought about it. Maybe it'd be nice. He'd decide for sure later.  
When he came into the main room, Kiku was up in his face in an instant.  
"Alfred!! Good morning!!" He exclaimed, practically bouncing on the spot.  
"Woah, you're excited! What's up?" Alfred greeted him. This put an instant smile on his face.  
"I got a call this morning. They want to interview me!" Kiku smiled back. Alfred grinned.  
"Hey! That's amazing! I'm really happy for you!"  
Kiku nodded frantically and pulled out a usb stick.  
"I already have a few small prototypes stored on here that I can show them, so... I'm hoping..!"  
"They'll love it! They'll love you! You're gonna do great!" Cried Alfred. He pulled Kiku in for a hug, and Kiku even embraced it, throwing his arms around Alfred's shoulders. He closed his eyes and stayed there, just enjoying feeling so good, and he felt Alfred give him a little squeeze. In the last week or so, Kiku had decided he kind of quite liked the affection if it was Alfred who was giving it to him. Alfred on the other hand just couldn't get over how far Kiku had come in the last few months. It was like knowing a different person.

"I actually," Said Kiku, pulling away, "wanted to go to the shop just quickly. You'll be alright with Yuuki won't you? I'll only be half an hour or so."  
"Oh, uh, sure!" Alfred replied. "Just be careful!"  
Kiku nodded, and left the room to go and put his shoes on. Alfred heard him call a quick goodbye and then he heard the door click shut. Weird, Kiku wasn't usually that bothered about going anywhere - especially not by himself. He had a tendency to get a little anxious, but seeing as he'd been so eager, Alfred wasn't about to ask him.

Instead, Alfred wandered into the kitchen and began making himself something. He wasn't overly bothered about having a big breakfast, and if he was going to go through with his idea for later, then he wouldn't want to have too much to eat. Because of that, he simply popped a couple slices of bread into the toaster, and pushed down the switch. As he waited, he leaned idly against the counter, watching the kids play outside. It was a nice day - warm and sunny in the morning already - but not exactly too hot. His phone pinged and he stood there giggling at a stupid meme one of his friends had sent to him until the toaster finally made a beep and the toast popped up out of it.  
Whilst he buttered the toast, Alfred kind of stood there thinking about how nice it was. It almost just felt normal - as if this was how it was supposed to be. Maybe it was.  
He sat down, enjoyed his food, and reclined on the sofa as per usual, scrolling through his phone in the meantime. He had to wonder just a little what was taking Kiku so long and what he was doing in the first place, but Alfred knew he had to just let him do whatever. It was the best way to get him used to being able to live as he pleased again.

Alfred kept on thinking about it.  
He could sort of prepare his plans in advance, and then if Kiku said no, it wouldn't really matter. He went into his contacts and tapped the one he would need.  
The phone rung, and then he answered.  
"Ello Alfred young lad, what's a matter then? Ye alright?"  
"Hi dad, yeah, I'm good! I just wondered if you wanted to have Brooklyn tonight?"  
"Ye going out are ye? Well a love the little bugger so a can't say no."  
"Yeah, hopefully! I actually wondered if you would have his friend Yuuki as well? You've met her before I think."  
"Ah yes, a was at yours wasn't I? Yes I think I remember. How come love?"  
Alfred thought about it.  
"It's just, like, me and her dad might be going out somewhere later. I'll be real, I kind of like him, in a romantic way even."  
"Ooooh well I never! I 'ope that goes right well for you! It's about time ye get yersen out there laddie, you need someone."  
Alfred was quiet.  
"...Yeah, uh, thanks dad."  
"Anyway! I'll take em for the night. I'll make em some scones!"  
"Thanks dad, they'll... love that. See you later!"  
"See you!"  
And with that, Alfred put the phone down. He had to chuckle to himself a little over the idea of his dad making his famous scones for the kids. They certainly weren't famous for anything good. At least the poor old man's heart was in the right place. That was when he heard the familiar click of the door, and Alfred perked up to see.

"Welcome back!" He called, hearing the door shut as he said it. He heard Kiku call back a hello and he got up to go see, leaving his phone and such where it was. When Alfred got into the passageway, he stopped dead almost. Kiku glanced at him and gave a shy smile over the top of the gigantic bouquet he was holding. It was so big, in fact, that Kiku himself was barely visible behind them. The flowers in question were all sorts of vibrant colours and varieties, and Alfred didn't have much time to process what he was looking at before Kiku thrust the flowers into his arms. He then handed Alfred a little envelope, gingerly avoiding his gaze.  
"They're for you." He spoke softly. "I wanted to get something for you."  
Kiku giggled a little then.  
"You're quite red in the face Alfred, is everything alright?"  
Alfred didn't know what to say.  
"I- uh- oh gosh, you didn't have to... They're really pretty..."  
Kiku let out a tiny giggle and shot past Alfred, who fumbled a little with the envelope, curious as to what it was.

Balancing the flowers in his arm, Alfred pulled the card out of the envelope. It was sort of like a postcard, but the front was... Alfred stared. It was the same landscape that Alfred had seen him drawing just about a week ago. Last Sunday was it? Yeah. Alfred remembered asking, and being really impressed. He remembered Kiku passing it off as a 'scribble', and how he'd told Kiku that he actually really loved it. Kiku had insisted he was binning it, but.. he'd saved it? To give it to Alfred?  
He turned the paper over and was met with Kiku's neat handwriting in black ink. Alfred held it up so that he could read it.

"Mr. Jones,  
After everything that you have done for me, I feel as if I must thank you. I think that you've helped me in ways that even you haven't noticed. Not only have you given me hope in one of the scariest times of my life, but you've shown me that there are still good people. Thank you for giving me another chance. Thank you for helping me to make sure my daughter's life won't be as bad as mine. I think very highly of you and I just wished you'd be able to feel something back. Thank you very, very much for everything.  
Signed,  
Honda, Kiku."

Alfred was stunned. He read it a second time, before looking over at the flowers and clutching them a little. That was it. He'd made up his mind and god, was Alfred glad he'd already called his father.  
He came through into the main room, where he spotted Kiku making a pair of drinks in the kitchen, and he made his way into there.  
"They're really beautiful, actually." Alfred said out of the blue, as he reached for a vase. He began filling it with water so that he could proceed to put the flowers inside. "And I'm seriously happy about the drawing. I'm so glad you saved it for me, it's so pretty. The message was nice as well. You're much lovelier than you realise, Kiku."  
Kiku glanced over with a bashful look on his face.  
"I'm very happy you liked it.." he said quietly, stirring the drinks.  
Alfred paused a little.  
"Y'know, Kiku..."  
Kiku looked up at him properly.  
"Would you like to go out tonight? Somewhere? Do something?"  
Kiku smiled to that.  
"That would be good, wouldn't it?" He replied. "The kids would absolutely love it."  
"Oh, no, no!" Alfred said quickly. "I was actually talking about just me and you! Like, just the two of us, y'know? My dad would look after the kids and we could go see a movie, and then go to a restaurant, and come back here and just have a quiet night or something! It'd be great, right? I mean, we could have a lot of fun, so..." Alfred realised how excited he was getting and quickly tried to tone it down, not wanting to put Kiku off at all. "I mean, if you want to?"  
"Oh, Alfred..." Kiku turned to look at him, fiddling unconsciously with the bottom of his sweater, his cheeks a little pink as well. "That'd be.. wonderful.. if you wanted to.."  
"Yeah!!! Yeah I would absolutely love to!!!" Alfred exclaimed, nodding frantically. "It's settled then! We'll do it!"

\---

They'd settled on walking to Alfred's dad's house to drop off the kids, and then getting a taxi from there. Alfred was reluctant about getting in a car, but Kiku gently talking him into it, reassuring him it'd be okay, seemingly made it better and Alfred trusted him enough to listen.  
They got dressed in smart casual clothing, and walked under the setting summer sun, and finally came to Alfred's dad's house, who, Alfred had told Kiku, was actually named Arthur. Alfred knocked on the door, waited a while, and it soon swung open to reveal a shaggy older man with grass green eyes and golden blond hair similar to that of his son's. He grinned and let the kids in, greeting Alfred with a hug and a solid pat on the shoulder. The man then turned to Kiku and grabbed the poor man's face, before going on to comment in his rugged English accent.  
"By, well you're a fuckin' bonny little lad aren't yer?" He remarked, squeezing a startled Kiku's cheeks.  
"Dad!" Alfred interjected, attempting to swat him. Arthur let go of Kiku and stood there laughing as Kiku shyly mumbled something along the lines of "it's okay".  
"Well, have fun boys!" Arthur exclaimed, giving both of them a pat on their shoulders, and sending them off with a nod. The car was behind them ready when they turned around.

Upon getting in it, Alfred didn't say much, but Kiku picked up on his obvious nerves. The way he checked his seatbelt about three times, was glancing around, biting his lip and couldn't keep himself still, it was pretty.. obvious. He quickly told the cab driver where to go to, and sat back, his hand on the middle seat for stability.  
Alfred was beginning to regret letting Kiku talk him into this. Though he tried not to panic, it was a little difficult all things considered. He found himself staring out of the window, absentmindedly biting his tongue now, when he felt a warm hand come to rest on top of his. It was beginning to become familiar. Alfred turned to face Kiku who grasped his hand and nodded at him with a reassuring and calm expression.  
"We won't be in here for too long." Said Kiku, grasping Alfred's hand. "It's going to be alright."  
Alfred nodded back.  
"Thank you." He said, and he genuinely meant it.

When they got to the cinema, Alfred was actually pretty proud of himself for taking that step. For the past six years, not only had he refused to drive, but he'd simply refused to get in a car at all. It didn't matter who tried to coax him into it or how, but it simply wasn't going to happen. There was just something different about Kiku. Ultimately, he trusted Kiku enough to let him guide him through one of his greatest fears, and he suddenly felt extremely proud of himself for that fact. Now that he felt on top of the world, he couldn't help but take Kiku's hand and excitedly race into the theatre. Right now he truly was on top of the whole world. He almost felt like a kid again.

The film was okay, but the two found that they were more interested in each other, cuddling up to each other, neither letting go of the others hand. The movie finished, and they had barely even watched it.

Up next was the restaurant, and the two of them chatted away about anything and everything whilst they waited, ate their meal, and so on. Anything at all was a topic of discussion, and both of them found themselves learning things about the other that they'd never picked up on before. Kiku didn't know that Alfred had a twin brother. Alfred didn't know that Kiku really enjoyed photography. The both of them couldn't help but feel nothing but joy as they looked into each others eyes. After both being alone for so long.. it was both refreshing and exciting to suddenly know someone who just.. clicked. The pair of them could barely get more different and yet, there was just... Something. Kiku sat and wondered if it was maybe fate that they met. Alfred wondered if maybe both the kids knew from day one. It kind of seemed like it - for both thoughts.

Once the bill was paid, the two got up to leave and found that their cab wouldn't arrive for a while yet. Instead, they went to stand around the side of the restaurant, under the stars and the warm lanterns that lit up the building.  
"For so late at night," Kiku remarked, "it's still quite warm, isn't it?"  
"Sure is." Replied Alfred, leaning back against the bricks. "Clear sky, too."  
They were quiet for a little bit as a breeze blew, causing their hair to blow back a little and their clothes to just ripple. It was a nice breeze. It didn't feel cold, but rather like a breath of fresh air under the warmth.  
"I should probably say something, shouldn't I?" Alfred blurted out, half to himself.  
Kiku lifted his head and quickly looked up at him. In turn Alfred looked over at Kiku and let out a nervous chuckle.  
"Don't like, freak out on me or anything. I just... I can't keep it to myself anymore. Now seems like a good time."  
He heard Kiku swallow.  
"A good time for... what?"  
Alfred shook his head, before he turned around to face Kiku properly. The fiery lanterns cast an almost angelic glow on Alfred's already golden coloured hair. Kiku stared up at him, his face illuminated by that same glow. It almost felt like they were both holding their breath. Did they want the same thing? Or were they both thinking of something entirely different to one another? It was risky yet.. it.. wasn't.  
"I've known you for like... Nearly five months..? Yeah." Alfred began. "Somewhere during that time, I don't know when, but..."  
He drew a deep breath.  
"I fell in love with you, Kiku. I love you."

Both were silent.  
Alfred's stomach dropped. He couldn't believe he'd just said that. Why had he said it? What on earth had he just done? Kiku stared up into his eyes, seemingly kind of stunned. It took a while for him to respond.  
"Tell me you're not lying." He finally said. "Please tell me you're not playing some sort of sick game with me."  
Alfred shook his head.  
"I'm not- I- I'm serious-"  
"Close your eyes."  
He was confused, but Alfred did so, and waited. Although he was hoping for one thing, part of him also wondered if Kiku was going to turn around and make a run for it here. It was kind of possible.

But oh god. Then it happened. Then his heart and mind skyrocketed because Kiku's lips were on his. He was having to lean down just a little and Kiku was kissing him - he was _kissing_  him. He tasted sweet, probably because of the red wine he'd been drinking, and he was gentle, a little shy, but at the same time it felt so genuine and so loving. Kiku's kiss was so much better than Alfred could have ever imagined in his head. It was nothing but perfect. He hadn't even registered before, but Kiku's arms were up around his neck and he pulled him in, prolonged it, and finally broke away only so he could breathe. He tenderly pressed his forehead up to Alfred's, keeping his eyes closed, breathing deeply. He spoke up quietly, his voice deep, and rich.  
"If... If you didn't get it... I fell in love with you too. I love you too."  
Alfred smiled and he couldn't stop himself all of a sudden. He properly positioned himself, his hands on Kiku's hips, drawing him fully in, tilting him over backwards and leaning down to kiss him. He moved an arm up to support Kiku's head, and applied a little more pressure with his lips. Kiku made a small contented sigh under the kiss and that was it - Alfred was on cloud nine.  
They didn't even realise the cab was stood waiting.

The journey back was nothing but kisses and giggles, cuddling in the backseat and commenting on how they both wished they'd spoken up sooner. Turned out they'd both been longing for quite a while. Alfred thought that this was maybe one of the best nights ever. Kiku thought the same thing.

•••

When the sun came up on Sunday morning, Alfred found himself stretching a little, just sort of waking up. He rubbed his eyes with one arm and blinked a little, coming to his senses. He was almost shocked to find Kiku sleeping with him, laying on his chest, his arm across Alfred and Alfred's arm around his back.  
He tilted his head on the pillow slightly, and gave the top of Kiku's head a gentle kiss. He felt Kiku stretch and slowly try to nuzzle into him.  
"Good morning." Alfred sleepily greeted, his hand gently rubbing Kiku's bare back.  
"Good morning." Kiku murmured, breathing deep into Alfred's chest. He kept his eyes closed. He was just enjoying this. The feel of Alfred's skin under him and the warm sun just hitting his shoulders through the gap in the curtains - perfection. Kiku's body felt so small against Alfred's. Especially without any clothing. Alfred wanted to hold him like that and protect him forever. To just be warm and cozy and safe like this forever.  
"I can't believe last night wasn't a dream." Said Alfred, giving him a loving squeeze. "I'm so glad it wasn't... Man, does this mean we're boyfriends now..?"  
He felt Kiku smile against him.  
"I suppose it does, doesn't it? You know, I've secretly always wanted to date a man with blond hair.. or blue eyes.. or both..."  
Alfred chuckled at that.  
"Wow," he joked, "I'm so glad you like me for my lovable personality!"  
He felt Kiku laugh a little bit.  
"You know that's not what I meant!" He protested, playing along with Alfred's joke.  
Alfred smiled and reached for Kiku's chin, softly tilting his face upwards to look at him. He could look at Kiku's gorgeous face like that forever, but in that moment, he leaned in, slowly, sleepily under that morning glow, and took another, gentle kiss.

It was perfect.


	14. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New relationships take a little getting used to, right?

"How's work coming along?" Asked Alfred, balancing a plate of buttered toast on the arm of the sofa.   
He leaned over to glance at the laptop, smoothing down Kiku's bangs at both sides as sort of an affectionate move. Unable to actually understand any of the lines of seemingly jumbled words and numbers, Alfred just continued to play with Kiku's hair instead of giving himself a headache just looking at that. Kiku leaned back into him and sighed.   
"Alright I guess. I'm still getting used to working with this, I'd prefer doing it in another language but it's not the worst, either."   
Alfred looked puzzled.   
"You'd rather do it in like, what, Japanese?" He asked, before he felt Kiku laugh quietly a little. He tilted his head to look up at Alfred, smiling ever so slightly.  
"Coding language, silly."   
"Well what I'll say now is that I do not know shit about that." Alfred replied. He leaned down again a little to give Kiku a soft little kiss on the lips - it didn't last long, but he savoured what he got. Pulling away, he ruffled Kiku's hair, going back for a kiss on the bridge of his nose this time. Kiku playfully protested in turn, pretending to push him away.   
"It's our two month anniversary today!" He said excitedly, debating trying to get another kiss out of Kiku. Kiku on the other hand, turned quickly so that their eyes met.   
"Is it really?!" He exclaimed. "It doesn't feel that long."   
"I mean, you've been working on that software for like a month now! So yeah, it really is!"   
"In that case," Kiku said, reaching around Alfred's neck with one arm, pulling him close, "I love you."   
"I love you.. mhm.. too" Replied Alfred between kissing him.   
Though after two months of dating, there was nothing boring about kissing Kiku. It was becoming familiar, sure, but there was certainly still something very special there each time. Something that Alfred loved and wanted to hold onto forever. 

"Eeww!" Was the reaction that this got, as well as a kick in the back of Alfred's shin, as Yuuki came downstairs.   
"That hurt!" Alfred exclaimed, despite turning around with a big grin on his face.   
"We don't kick people, Yuuki." Said Kiku in a calm but firm manner. She seemed to ignore him, to which he carried on. "Have you done your math homework?"   
Ignored again.   
"Or any homework?"   
Alfred had to stifle a tiny bit of laughter as she ignored him a third time. This was the sort of thing that he too would've done as a kid.   
"You should really do your homework y'know." He called over, watching her reaching into the snack tin and shoving a few cookies in her pockets.   
She made a gesture mocking him and Alfred ended up laughing not at her, but at the fact she was about to be in some serious trouble.   
"Yuuki, go do your homework." Kiku said, giving it a few seconds before he continued. "I warned you yesterday. Last warning."   
She glanced at him.   
"Or you're grounded next weekend."   
Making a noise of frustration, Yuuki finally ran back past and up the stairs. Kiku sighed and shook his head.   
"What can ya do, huh?" Alfred laughed, leaning back down to be close to him again.   
"Tell me about it. I don't understand why she won't do it, Brooklyn already did because he had me check his answers yesterday morning."   
"He didn't have me check his answers?!"  
"Looks like he has a favourite."  
"Wow! Everyone's just out to hurt me today!"  
"I'm kidding." Kiku chuckled a little, pulling Alfred back in for a third kiss. "Come here and kiss me."  
And so he did. 

It had been one thing getting used to living with Kiku, but it was most certainly another getting used to loving him. To start with, Kiku had a tendancy to be non verbally loving. Quite often he'd be embarrassed to talk about it and instead he'd do things like randomly hold Alfred's hand or come for a cuddle without saying a word about it. Alfred on the other hand could sit there and talk to Kiku all day about how much he loved him and all the little things he loved about him. Sometimes he would do, those times when Kiku came over for a random cuddle being some of the best opportunities. Other times he would keep it to himself, knowing that Kiku just wanted to be quiet most times. Often, he just blurted it all out, unable to keep himself from talking and Kiku never seemed to mind. What was really special was when Kiku did want to talk, and he'd lay with Alfred and tell him in turn all the little things he loved. Those times always meant way more to Alfred than Kiku even realised, he thought.   
Another, more obvious thing that Alfred had to get used to was that Kiku sometimes wanted time alone. If he was feeling particularly anxious, sometimes he needed space to breathe, and Alfred struggled a little, feeling bad for not doing anything to comfort him. He soon came to understand though, that leaving him alone was the best thing to do. Eventually, Kiku would come back when he was ready and would be okay again. Alfred tried really hard to make sure not to surprise him or shock him either, making sure he was always gentle with Kiku, making sure that Kiku always knew he was there. Kiku really appreciated it, and he let Alfred know through being affectionate around him.

One of Alfred's favourite things about this new relationship was figuring out things that each other particularly enjoyed. He'd found out pretty fast that Kiku loved having his hair played with. Whether it was brushing it for him, stroking, trying to braid it or gently pulling and teasing, Kiku seemed to go soft every time Alfred did it. He practically melted each time, getting increasingly affectionate and often closing his eyes to further enjoy it. Alfred had more recently figured out that he also really liked having his face touched. He was a little iffy about it at first, and Alfred had initially thought that he didn't like it, but after a while, he found that Kiku was increasingly pining for it, purposely putting his chin in Alfred's hand, trying to prompt him. Alfred got the hint after a little bit, and discovered that Kiku loved having his cheeks caressed or the bridge of his nose scratched a little.  
In turn, Kiku had found out that Alfred loved having his hand held. It didn't matter when, or why, he just seemed to really love when Kiku let him take his hand, or even more so when Kiku initiated it and took Alfred's hand first. Especially with the latter, he'd get incredibly bashful and he'd want to hold on for as long as humanly possible, even if it meant making things awkward, Alfred would still then try to do everything one handed. He'd also figured out that Alfred was very, very cuddly, which given his nature, should have been kind of obvious. Once again he loved to hold Kiku and cuddle that way, but Kiku had discovered that he liked it even more if Kiku was the one that would hold him. He liked to lay on Kiku's chest or nestle into the gap between his neck and shoulders. He liked feeling Kiku's arms around him and having his arms around Kiku in turn. Since Alfred was so much bigger and heavier, quite often he couldn't lay on top of Kiku for long, but when he did it was really something special to him, and Kiku picked up on that. 

Now that Kiku had miraculously gotten that job, and his income was stable again, Alfred found that he seemed happier and more content with himself. For Kiku to finally have a job that he'd always wanted, and loved doing, it made sense that it'd lift his spirits. He could work mostly from home, which was nice since it meant there was always someone around for the kids, and when Alfred wasn't working at the office, he could be there to support him and fetch the odd coffee or toast. To put things simply, it was just... Nice. Things were working themselves out. 

They sat by the pool that evening, not putting their legs in the water today but rather wrapping up in cozy clothes. In October, the weather was just beginning to turn cool, and soon the winter season would begin rolling in. Halloween was coming up, and Alfred was surprised to find that Kiku had never really done anything to celebrate it.   
"We should like, wear those cheesy ass couples costumes or something don't you think that'd be so funny?" Alfred asked, grinning at the possibilities.   
"If you think you're getting me wearing anything remotely embarrassing then you're out of your mind." Said Kiku plainly.   
"At least wear some sort of costume? For me?" Pleaded Alfred, knowing he was pushing it a little. "I think I'm gonna be like, a sorcerer or something or like... An evil zombie ghost sorcerer who wants to destroy the world!"   
Kiku glanced over with a soft smile.  
"A zombie, ghost, and a sorcerer?"   
"Yeah! Basically like a witch but even cooler."   
Kiku thought about it.   
"If you want to be a witch, then I'll be a cat then. That works, doesn't it?"   
"Oh my god," Alfred went on, "That'd be so fucking cute..." He grinned. "Are you gonna be a normal cat or a sexy cat?!"   
Kiku playfully gave him a push.  
"A normal cat!!!" He scolded. "That's disgusting!"  
Alfred set off laughing, putting his arm around Kiku and pulling him over.   
"Sorry babe, still think it's a good idea though."   
Kiku huffed before he curled up and leaned in. As much as he didn't care too much for Halloween, Kiku was most definitely a fan of the winter season, and he couldn't wait until snow was falling and the air was ice cold. He couldn't wait until it was so cold that he shivered just so that he and Alfred could cuddle under blankets upon blankets together and be safe and warm within the cold outdoors. That was something he was really, really looking forward to. He was excited to celebrate Christmas together, too. Kiku imagined how Alfred, the kids and himself would exchange gifts on Christmas day and have a big Christmas feast together and he was almost in heaven thinking about it. The idea seemed so cute and sweet, like a perfect family almost. He couldn't help but get excited of the things that were to come.   
Kiku's phone made a noise and he picked it up to look.   
"Ah, dad sent me a picture!" He said, half to himself.   
Communication with his father and his three younger siblings had actually become more and more common over the last two months. Piece by piece, Kiku was slowly restoring his relationship with the rest of his family, and it was nice. It was brilliant, actually. He'd even put Alfred on the phone to say hi once or twice, which seemed a little awkward on both ends but Kiku found it nothing but amusing.   
Alfred leaned over and looked confused when Kiku showed him the chat bubble with the picture. He tapped to enlarge the image and showed him again, Alfred still seemingly confused. It was a picture of an old looking photograph, the colours faded slightly. In the photo were a couple of little boys, both of them very young. One of them was sitting neatly and smiling at the camera. The other one had his legs stretched out and was pulling a funny face. Alfred stared.   
"You don't recognise one of them?" Asked Kiku. He zoomed in on the kid who was behaving in the photo, and held the phone up to his face.   
"No way!" Alfred cried, a huge grin suddenly on his face. "Seriously, no way!!! That's you?!"  
Kiku smiled and nodded, lowering the phone.  
"Mhm, that's baby me. The other one is my brother. My sister and my youngest brother hadn't been born yet!"   
"Wow! And your dad just sent you this? Oh my god baby you is so cute!" Alfred continued excitedly.   
Kiku laughed a little.   
"I suppose I was, wasn't I?"  
"You're still cute!" Alfred went on, watching Kiku go pink slightly.   
"Well.. I'm... Glad you think so..." He softly responded, fiddling with his phone now.

Kiku too was still getting used to having Alfred as his lover, but in a different way entirely. For him, having someone show him sincere and tender romantic affection was something he hadn't had in a long, long time. He was still adjusting. He still couldn't thank Alfred enough. For everything. Having someone to be there for him when he was having a bad day or just felt down for no particular reason was something that Kiku could never take for granted. Being able to just collapse into someone's arms and be safe there was all Kiku had ever actually wanted for a very long time, and Alfred delivered. It really was nothing short of glorious. Perfect, even. 

It's not like the kids minded too much, either. Although they too were still getting used to it, they often exchanged knowing glances, knowing their work was done. To think it was some random idea that Yuuki came up with the playground, and they'd actually gone through with their ridiculous plan - that's not even mentioning that it actually worked - was beyond fun to them. After all, the both of them had each noticed a difference in their dads' behaviour, well-being, happiness even. Something about it just felt right.

That night they laid in bed together as always, cuddling up in the middle, their fingers entwined as they slowly fell asleep.   
"I don't think I've ever been this happy before." Kiku stated softly, on the verge of dropping off.   
Alfred glanced over with heavy eyes.   
"I'm glad. You deserve to be happy. I'm happy too." He replied, gently pulling Kiku further into him.   
"That's good." Kiku continued, getting more and more sluggish. 

And before they knew it, it'd been a lot more than two months.


	15. And in the end, I will always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end...! Hope you've enjoyed! ♥ thank you for reading!

"Y'know this morning," Alfred piped up, drinking his coffee, "I literally looked in the mirror and I found like, not one, not two, but THREE gray hairs!"   
Kiku came over to give him a quick peck on the cheek before he turned back around to get himself and Alfred a sandwich each.  
"It doesn't matter too much, now does it? I still think you're beautiful."   
Alfred chuckled to himself.   
"What about when the wrinkles start properly? I already have a few?"  
"Well so do I dear, you'll still be beautiful even then."   
Alfred smiled.   
"I still can't believe it, you know."  
"Can't believe what?"  
"Earlier this month, that it was ten years."   
Kiku turned to smile back at him.   
"August is just a very special month, isn't it?" He beamed, before looking down to lovingly touch the ring on his finger. "We got married ten years ago, but our very first date was also in August, wasn't it?"  
"Sure was. That was maybe the best night ever." Alfred ran his hands through his hair and another silver little strand dropped out. His eyes widened as Kiku came back with a plate to share between them. "Did you just fucking see that?!" Alfred exclaimed, picking up the hair and tossing it somewhere. "I swear, I'm literally turning into an old man by the second."   
"Well then perhaps a noble old man like yourself shouldn't be swearing so much." Kiku teased, sitting down next to him.   
Alfred leaned over before they could start eating to give Kiku the same gentle, loving kiss he had done over ten years ago now. It didn't matter that so much time had gone by. That didn't matter to either of them. Each others kiss was still refreshing, still new and exciting every single time. Familiar and safe yet like a breath of fresh air. Alfred still felt his heart race each time. Kiku still felt butterflies in his stomach. Once they pulled away after a good few minutes, they pulled each other close and into a warm hug instead.  
"Whilst we're on the topic of me and you," Kiku said quietly, "I'd been thinking... A really long time ago I said that I'd found my prince charming, but... I hadn't, had I? It was supposed to be you all along. It was always supposed to be you. You were my prince charming."   
He felt Alfred hold him tighter.   
"That's nice to know. It really is, keeks. Y'know, I needed you. I still do. Before you showed up though, I was doing nothing but getting worse and worse, and I dunno if I'd have coped without you. You saved me for sure back then."   
Kiku giggled a little.   
"That's nice to know." He said, burying his face in Alfred's shoulder. "It really is."   
"I'm gonna have you forever, right?" Alfred asked, knowing the answer that was coming already.   
"I wouldn't have married you if you weren't." Kiku said, it being the answer that Alfred had expected.   
"Good, cause you're stuck with me forever too." He responded, pulling away to cup Kiku's face in his hands.   
Kiku put his own hands on Alfred's, showing him a smile full of love and adoration.   
"It's Yuuki's graduation later, remember? Shall we go get ready?" He asked.   
Alfred grinned proudly.   
"Yeah, let's! I love you, by the way."   
Kiku smiled and seemed to go soft all over again.  
"I love you too." He said.


End file.
